Weather | Sports | Forums | Comics | Classifieds | Calendar | Movies
By ELIZABETH BETTENDORFFor the Weiss family of Davis Islands, it's a win-win arrangement for all three generations living there.
DAVIS ISLANDS - When Lisa and Bob Weiss bought their 5,400-square-foot waterfront home five years ago, they had no idea all that space might actually come in handy.
Within months of their move from Greenwich, Conn., to Tampa, they learned that Bob's usually upbeat mother, Elizabeth Weiss, was sorely missing her family.
They made a decision: Why not ask her to come to Florida?
Then they made another decision: Why not ask her to live with them?
Daughter Meg got on the phone and did the inviting.
No hesitation. Grandma said yes.
Within three months she had packed up everything, sold her three-bedroom condo and moved in with the family.
"I knew, and I can't explain exactly why, but I felt like our girls would benefit so much from having another generation around," recalls Lisa, 50.
Now, Lisa says, multigenerational family life not only makes sense, but also seems completely right.
With two daughters, Meg, 13, and Ali, 5, and 91-year-old Elizabeth (known affectionately as Ouma to the girls) all under one roof, the three generations co-exist happily.
According to the AARP - which offers a lot of useful information on the subject on its Web site, www.aarp.org - the Weisses are among 22-million working Americans who help take care of a parent or an older loved one.
For the Weisses, it's the family way. Years ago, Bob's aunt and uncle also took in his grandmother when she became elderly.
"We just really believe in this," Lisa says. "If my parents needed it, they would come too."
Bob, a West Point graduate, and Lisa, who holds an MBA from Trinity University, also run their financial planning company, Black Knight Ventures, from the house. Two cats and two dogs, Trooper, an Australian shepherd, and Tanker, a rescued Jack Russell terrier, add to the blissful melee.
The house, a 1968 contemporary designed by Bert Brosmith, initially attracted the family because of its clean lines and dramatic water views. The decision to move to Florida - initially based on a job transfer for Bob - was a major lifestyle change from the "fast, high-octane, very competitive" pace of Greenwich, Lisa says.
Initially, Bob wanted to live on a golf course and the couple looked at several golf-course communities including Avila in New Tampa.
"I said, if we're going to move to Florida, let's live on the water," Lisa recalls. "They can always build a jillion more golf courses, but they're not going to build more water."
During a long weekend in the winter of 2000, they looked at three houses on the water. The house on Davis Islands, possibly because of its highly contemporary look, had been for sale for a year. The open bay view with its distant, romantic glimpse of Bayshore Boulevard promptly pulled the Weisses in.
They paid $1,350,000 for the house, which came with a pool and a dream urban location.
Says Lisa: "We knew right away we wanted to live in South Tampa because we like older, funkier neighborhoods, quirky shops, a little history, and close-in living."
The couple asked a longtime decorator friend to help them warm up the rooms and make them more suitable for their own design preferences. They pared down furnishings to work in the modern space, but painted the walls a yellow tone deepened by a terra-cotta color wash. Lisa, a skilled seamstress, made the valances, curtains and window treatments throughout.
They acquired an array of art by local Tampa Bay artists, including a large turtle by Eileen Goldenberg and a large, pop art painting of red flowers by Plant City native Jules Burt.
An upstairs family room area offers breathtaking views and is spacious enough to accommodate the girls' dollhouses, Bob's new Foosball game (a Christmas gift from Lisa and the girls) and a sewing center for Lisa. The master bedroom features a balcony and sitting area big enough for a large comfy sofa.
"It's great because there's enough room that if one of the girls needs to come in during the night, we don't all have to share the bed," Lisa says.
They remodeled the kitchen to accommodate Lisa's keen interest in cooking, redoing counters, cabinets and installing a high-end warming drawer picked up at the Habitat for Humanity Home Improvement Center on Hillsborough Avenue and a new commercial gas range (a decision that involved running a gas line).
Initially, Elizabeth Weiss lived in a second-floor bedroom, but after she broke her arm in a fall two years ago, the family decided a first-floor bedroom and bath were safer and easier.
A retired nurse, who lived for years in Altoona, Pa., Elizabeth dispersed her heirloom furniture among her three sons, including her turn-of-the-century mahogany dining room furniture that now sits in the Davis Islands house.
A painting of her family home hangs in the kitchen where she and Lisa work side by side every night.
"I do the cooking and she cleans up," Lisa explains.
Elizabeth's health has been excellent, a result, she says, of good nutritional habits and a lifelong commitment to taking vitamin supplements. She has a positive attitude and a deep devotion to Catholicism.
"I also have a lot of very good friends," Elizabeth says.
The live-in arrangement has allowed her to actively help raise her granddaughters - both are students at Berkeley Prep - assisting them with schoolwork, playing lots of Go Fish! and Candy Land.
"She makes cookies with the girls, reads to them, tells them stories about her childhood," Lisa explains.
Lisa believes that the arrangement with her mother-in-law has worked out well because they have a genuinely affectionate relationship and because they've learned a lot through trial and error.
"From the time Bob and I were first married in the early '80s, she and I have always really hit it off."
Elizabeth agrees: "I have the best daughter-in-law anybody ever had," she said one morning as she settled into a wing chair in the den, Trooper, the dog, curled at her feet. "And a pretty good son, too!"
Lisa recommends that anyone thinking of asking an elderly parent to live with family consider a few things.
A first floor room is always better than a second floor room "because as a person gets older, steps just become hard to handle."
Be prepared as a parent ages to install support rails not just in bathrooms, but throughout the house. The Weisses have installed them in high traffic areas that Elizabeth frequents, including the wall outside her bedroom and on another wall going into the kitchen.
Be proactive about offering to run errands or scheduling medical appointments. Since Elizabeth voluntarily gave up her driver's license before moving to Florida, she depends on her son and daughter-in-law to take her where she needs to go.
"Sometimes getting her to tell me what she needs is like pulling teeth because she's modest," Lisa says.
"Often parents don't want to tell their kids what they need because they think they're busy and don't want to bother them."