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That buzzing noise is called marketing

By tbt* wires
Published January 28, 2005

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High-tech companies don't release products anymore, they provide solutions. And those solutions don't simply run a program or play a song. Instead, they enable experiences, optimize agility or make people's passions come alive.

Say what?

Euphemism and allegory have always been common in business -- where few get fired, but plenty get "downsized" -- but some say the tongue-twisting technology industry has gone too far.

Alan Freedman, who has been writing technology encyclopedias for 25 years, realized things were out of hand when people started asking him to decipher technology companies' own marketing materials -- the stuff they use to entice regular people to buy their products.

"The marketing people are so bad at hyping their products that, with all my experience, I'll have to read and reread and reread just to figure out what this thing does," says Freedman, founder of the Computer Language Company Inc. in Point Pleasant, Pa.

Here's a list of the worst offenders:

Solution: Instead of making a product or offering a service, technology companies "provide solutions." Whether the solutions solve actual problems is a different matter.

Enterprise: It's high-tech speak for big company, not the big spaceship commanded by Capt. Kirk.

Viral marketing : Marketing campaign that spreads at lightning speed.

Stickiness: Something that keeps a person interested in a Web page.

Bandwidth: Technically refers to the capacity of a communications line, but is now used much more broadly. For example, people might say they don't have enough "personal bandwidth" (translation: time) to do a project.

Paradigm: An example or model.

Scalable: The ability of a computer or system to get bigger, typically as more users are added.

Synergy: Usually means that combining forces produces a better product -- though that's not always the case in the software world. Also seen in reference to corporate mergers.

Robust: Implies a product is bug-free and will work under rigorous circumstances. In many products, this claim can be debated.

World-class, best-of-breed, bleeding-edge, state-of-the-art: Variations on the claim that this is a unique and superior product.

E-anything: Something being done online or in another electronic space, such as e-commerce or e-mail.

- Sources: Computer Language Company, Accountemps, Associated Press

[Last modified January 25, 2005, 10:56:04]