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Column
Why do guys need their night out?
By JILL RODGERS
Published January 28, 2005
What, exactly, do men do on guys night out? Why are they so adamant that this one night of "freedom" is vital to their survival?
All the men I know have a guys night out. It's simply an understanding with their girlfriend, fiancee or (in my case) wife that at least one night a week is reserved for the guys -- just the guys.
The request seems reasonable. As far as I know, the guys get together at Red Dog, Whiskey Park or MacDinton's to have some drinks, play Golden Tee and talk sports. Right?
Then why do we women get so fired up and uptight about guys night? Maybe we don't trust them as much as we should.
Many of us seek revenge by proclaiming a girls night out. Yes, we enjoy each other's company and a night out on the town, but are we doing it just to compete with the guys? My preferred form of revenge is a shopping spree -- lots of satisfaction without the hangover.
The best part of guys night is the rule that we (the guys and girls) aren't allowed to be in the same bar on this sacred night. If the night is truly about male bonding, and not about something less desirable, what's the big deal? Now, in addition to accepting guys night, we must declare our intended destination to the guys to avoid a "run-in." Plus, we come to find out that the guys plot these nights days in advance. They spend countless hours calling and e-mailing each other to set the plans. They certainly don't dedicate this kind of time and energy to planning a date. Could we be jealous of the bond these guys have?
Guys night out is more than just a casual night of male bonding. Most guys nights I've lived through involve heavy drinking, ridiculously late nights and at least one small argument with a significant other. You've seen a group of guys celebrating guys night out. There are at least four of them and sometimes as many as 10, all wearing Banana Republic-type shirts and smelling of nice cologne, drinking and talking loudly, relishing in their one night of freedom.
Girls nights that I participate in consist of a few "ladies night" cocktails, a little chatter about the parade of outrageous attire and a timely return home to ensure we're able to function for work the next day.
It is our decision to spend girls night the way we do. The guys never interfere with our plans because they fear we'll retaliate and try to restrict their evening. We could partake in the same revelry that the guys do but the bottom line is: We really don't want to and we'd rather they didn't either. Girls act more responsibly while the guys bask in the last days of immaturity.
Does guys night actually cause us any harm? If we want to remain in relationships with these men we may just have to accept guys night out as a part of life. Love it or hate it, it's here to stay.
If you see my husband out enjoying one of his guys nights, be sure to remind him of my next shopping spree.
- Jill Rodgers is the development specialist for the Newspaper in Education department of the St. Petersburg Times. You can reach her at jrodgers@tampabay.com
Girls, please! Be grateful they can leave your side and breathe without you. The world doesn't revolve around you, no matter how much in love they may be. Let them be guys...after all, isn't that one of the reasons you were attracted to him in the...
by Michael
02/03/05 12:54 PM
Zack, are you a chick? There is a big difference going after chicks and looking. You punk.
by Skip
02/03/05 09:13 AM
If women can't handle a guys night, whether it be from jealousy, or any reason, then there will be a lot of unnecessary heartache. We like to be able to be loud, obnoxious, and drunk w/out apologizing for it. Get over it!
by sherrie
02/03/05 08:47 AM
I WISH my husband would have a guys night out! unfortunately - he always has a guys night in - where his friends all hang out at my house - he tells me that it keeps him out of trouble since most of his friends would rather be out girl hunting. Not...
by Chris
02/02/05 09:53 PM
Guys night out? Shopping spree revenge? Is this, like a bad episode of 90210?
by Bill
02/02/05 05:44 PM
"Revenge shopping" and desires to restrict and control their male mate's normal human needs for gender socialization is the real immature behavior.
by nick.b
02/02/05 03:27 PM
My wife feels it is excessive that I go out twice a month, I have tried to have the conversation that it is different with the boys! With out them who do I get to talk sports and drink beers with, certainly not her......
by Rick
02/02/05 03:04 PM
If women really feel this way about one night, How do they feel about "Guy's Yearly Football Trips"?
by Joe
02/02/05 02:23 PM
All Women and Men need their Night out with their Friends.Women like to talk and Men like to behave the way they want to be,without your Partner telling you how you're making a Fool of yourself.Some of us just like acking like a Fool on purpose.That'...
by Scott
02/01/05 05:52 PM
Please spare us the gender stereotypes. I've known plenty of women who enjoy nights with female friends at rowdy bars. And I've known plenty of men (myself included) who prefer friendly conversation at a cafe over a sports bar. A few individuals b...
by Andy
02/01/05 01:13 PM
A healthy relationship encourages healthy relationhips. Control, Mistrust, and Insecurity will lead to a less than healthy relationhip.
by Michael
01/31/05 06:29 PM
Is one night away from a person who we have to impress, care for, romance and love too much ask for? A night with your buddies who love you for the absolute fool that we are and don't care if we didn't shave, wear color coordinated socks or socks at ...
by Veronica
01/31/05 06:12 PM
Congrats on your first published article! Very well done, my friend! (not really a "rant".)
by Lissa
01/31/05 01:06 PM
I think it's healthy to spend time without one another. I encourage my bf to go out with his friends because then I have some quiet time to myself for a little while. I also have my girls night out, and I don't do it to get back at him.
by Len
01/31/05 12:00 PM
Men need time together so they can act like themselves without worrying about whose girlfriend, fiancee, or wife is going to be offended.
by Robin
01/31/05 10:17 AM
Ladies, you should enjoy guys night out - it gets them out of your hair for the evening. Guys like to be entertained just as much as girls and most girls (aka women) have many many friends.
by Tif
01/31/05 10:13 AM
Mike- that is not true. I have just as many friends as my husband and we all love to get together. There is no problem hanging out with friends as long as your not doing it just to get away from your s.o.
by Pixie
01/30/05 09:41 AM
Why not include the person you are intimate with, instead of excluding them and explaining why they shouldn't feel the insecurity? (and sometimes the arguements!)Show them you have no other motives, with or without them along.
by Zack
01/29/05 03:06 PM
Guys night out = looking for women. Don't trust us, girls. Unless, of course, there is a really good game on. Then we're at the bar pounding beers and yelling at the tube
by Karen
01/29/05 12:10 PM
Interesting, none of the men I've been in relationships with ever seemed to want a "guys night out"...difference in personality types perhaps? I couldn't have pushed them out the door if I tried!
by Brad
01/29/05 08:07 AM
"Girls act more responsibly while the guys bask in the last days of immaturity." - ok that is such a myoptic and snarly view. Its not immaturity that motivates this activity, it is unwinding for the sake of balance. After being "responsible" in other...
by Laura
01/28/05 09:08 PM
Although I'm sure many of these guys really are just wanting a night out with the boys to let loose some steam and have a good time without the "ball and chain" but I personally have known and seen enough married men (who claim they're happpily marri...
by Bret
01/28/05 05:27 PM
I heard from a friend who's 70 and recently met up with Long Island old high school buddies now in Palm Beach. They get together and have a ROMEO club...Rich Old Men Eating Out!! They never grow up!
by A
01/28/05 04:52 PM
To Mike (the first one): I have to disagree with your comment about women having only one friend? I'm a woman (with a boyfriend) with tons of girlfriends.... and we like to have "girls night" out just as much as the guys... and I can guarantee our ...
by Christina
01/28/05 04:32 PM
Wow, this writer really doesn't trust her boyfriend, does she?
by Rich
01/28/05 03:53 PM
Girls always want to be entertained, and guys night out is a night off from that duty.
by Another Mike
01/28/05 01:38 PM
Guy's night out...? Never really had any when in a relationship, to risky when hanging out with most guys I know, the menu is just too tempting for them so I avoid the situation. I prefer guys night in for wrestling or gaming at loud volume, without...
by Mike
01/28/05 09:18 AM
Women normally have maybe 1 friend besides their husband or boyfriend, guy have a bunch of friends.
Last mission to repair the Hubble telescope
Fifty years ago, they were screwed-up kids sent to the Florida School for Boys to be straightened out. But now they are screwed-up men, scarred by the whippings they endured. Read the story and see a video and portrait gallery.
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