In light of the approaching "Hallmark holiday," I've been contemplating love, marriage and weddings. Trump just walked down the aisle, church, model bride and everything. He spared no expense -- but does that buy him a guarantee that it will last? Is the third time the charm? Can money buy happiness and love -- a good marriage?
When my mom was married in 1969, they didn't take hundreds of pictures or even buy a wedding dress; my grandmother made one for her. Today, weddings are a giant industry. And with many of my friends in the marrying mood lately, I've seen all points of wedding spectrum.
Take the wedding I just attended, and spent well over $1,000 to be a part of (not including traveling to bachelorette and bridal parties). The bride wanted a romantic location and chose Big Sur, Calif. -- probably one of the most difficult towns to travel to in the country. After two nights of prewedding parties, we attended a day-long wedding, lasting from 12:45 p.m. until 9:30 p.m. Lexus SUVs shuttled us from place to place, never-ending champagne flowed and the entrees were filet and Ahi tuna. It was a fantastic event.
I've been to many other weddings, too. One served Blimpie subs for dinner while another offered food cooked all day by the mother of the bride. Greek weddings with all the tradition and formality -- and very little English. Country club weddings with 20-piece bands flown in from New York City.
I've also spent a lot of money on these shindigs and so have the families who've thrown them. Every time I attend another one, I find myself wondering whether there is any connection between marriage expense and marriage life expectancy. Will the bride and groom remember what the day is all about? Will they focus on their relationship and take to heart the pledges they declared in front of so many witnesses?
Statistics say that 50 percent will not. In my circle of friends I've already seen four out of 12 couples divorce, and one other couple is separated, just within the first three years of marriage. Having invested most of my vacation time and money on these weddings, is it unrealistic to expect the couples to invest as much in their relationships as they do in the elaborate events?
Reality shows depict women as Bridezillas. Is Bridezilla focused on the commitment she's making to her partner? Maybe she forgot why she's in a mad dash to the altar. Maybe she is too concerned with having the perfect party, the most glamorous dress and ornate flowers.
The Big Sur wedding left no detail unattended. We were even given live butterflies to release at just the right moment. Of course, those butterflies were Fed-Exed to the resort just seconds before the ceremony began, atop a cliff overlooking the Pacific Ocean. The happy couple were thrilled with their wedding day. Here's hoping it will last forever.
Actually, the Big Sur event helped me to be more optimistic about what the future holds for the state of marriage. For my own wedding, we took $25,000 from savings to have the dream day. It was fabulous ... and so is the marriage. Still, I may never stop questioning what $25,000 could buy me today.
- Jill Rodgers is the development specialist for the Newspaper in Education department of the St. Petersburg Times. You can reach her at jrodgers@tampabay.com
[Last modified February 8, 2005, 09:19:08]
