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Mother uses her grief to help others

After her son's suicide, a woman helps other parents avoid the same pain. She'll offer a course Monday at the library.

By ANNE LINDBERG
Published February 13, 2005

SEMINOLE - The world seemed to end for Bonnie McClelland when she found her son dead in his bedroom.

Timothy was 17 years, 6 months, 10 days and 4 hours old.

"He was the light of my life. I worshiped the ground that boy walked on," McClelland said last week. "For him to take his life tells me truly that we fall into despair and we put these blinders on and we can only see our pain reflected back to us."

She added: "My heart was shattered. Someone hit the delete button for my life and all my hopes and dreams for the future were gone in one nanosecond."

Since then, McClelland has learned to live with the grief, guilt, anger and pain.

"The pain is really constant," she said. "It's there. It never really goes away."

McClelland eventually learned to use her despair to help other parents avoid experiencing the same horror. She received training from Yellow Ribbon International and established the Pinellas County chapter.

Yellow Ribbon was formed by Dale and Dar Emme of Colorado after their son's 1994 suicide.

The program is designed to prevent teen suicide.

Program volunteers hand out cards emblazoned with a yellow ribbon. The card contains a toll-free suicide hotline to give kids someone to talk to should they contemplate suicide.

It also offers advice for parents, teachers or anyone else to whom the teen might hand the card. The advice tells them to listen, stay with the person and call for help immediately.

Yellow Ribbon goes further, offering training in coping skills and recognizing risk factors.

McClelland will offer her course beginning at 7 p.m. Monday at the Seminole Community Library, 9200 113th St., Seminole.

McClelland said she first tried to take the Yellow Ribbon program to the Pinellas County school system, but has had problems getting into the classrooms.

At first, McClelland was given permission to train PTA or other parental groups. A March 17, 2003, letter set out guidelines.

"Your role will be to deliver suicide prevention information for parents," Elaine Cutler, assistant superintendent for elementary education and student services, wrote in that letter.

Later that year, McClelland was thanked for her interest and told that her information duplicated the information about suicide that already was given to students.

"We also recognize, however, the emotional impact these presentations have on you," wrote Peggy Johns, supervisor for pre-K-12 education in a Nov. 10, 2003, letter. "As a result, we are unable to recommend you as a classroom presenter on the topic of youth suicide prevention."

Earlier this year, officials from Dixie Hollins and Largo high schools asked McClelland to speak.

After she had done so, she received another letter from Johns: "It is the expectation of the district that you will not schedule yourself for any additional presentations at our schools and that you will cancel any future presentations that you may already have scheduled."

Johns did not return a phone message asking for comment.

McClelland was bewildered by the situation.

"I did not go to them. They came to me because they've heard me out in the community," she said.

McClelland said she was only trying to save kids' lives.

[Last modified February 13, 2005, 01:07:16]