Courtrooms must be full of aspiring entertainers
By ERNEST HOOPER
Published February 26, 2005
It was a comedic shish kebab, skewering just about everything relevant and current.
It was the annual Law Follies, staged by the Hillsborough Bar Association, and the audience did not leave the Tampa Bay Performing Arts Center disappointed.
Even before you walked in Thursday night, you could guess some of newsmakers who were going to get grilled: teacher Debra LaFave, Tampa's controversy-strifed firefighters and County Commissioner Ronda Storms. But before it was over, everyone from Condoleezza Rice to Rush Limbaugh to Mayor Pam Iorio was the subject of musical parodies.
Add in a mix of skits and songs that poked fun at Desperate Housewives, gay marriages, the Ybor City curfew and Dillard's "meat-grinding escalator," and you had the makings of a fun-filled show.
Storms' "avarice of worms" quote about Clear Channel was part of an amusing opening spoof about noise complaints about the company's Ford Amphitheatre. Paralegal Kristen Chittendon handled lead vocals on a Quiet Riot takeoff, singing Come On Feel the Noise.
Iorio's rosy outlook was panned when lawyer Nancy Silva, dressed in the mayor's signature blue business suit, sang What a Wonderful Town to the tune of What a Wonderful World. The best line: "I see a museum / of glass and steel / One last time / I'll fix Greco's deal / What a wonderful town."
Byron Townsend borrowed from Dixie for his spoof of Limbaugh: "Oh, I wish had some Oxy-Contin / back pain soon would be forgotten."
But in my mind, three numbers stood above the rest. Lawyer Bob Nader had a wonderful musical lament about needing Viagra to the tune of the Rolling Stones' Mother's Little Helper. Judge Doris E. Jenkins, a traditional Law Follies show stopper, did it again with her spin on "Social Insecurity," and Judge Bill Levens was laugh-out-loud funny when he used a Simon and Garfunkel classic to lampoon the Crosstown Expressway on It's a Bridge Built on Troubled Soil.
Producers Kristin Norse and Ken Turkel and director Kelly Clements Hoffman beamed like proud parents after the show, but conceded putting the production together is no easy task. In a world of detailed legal briefs, long nights and complicated court cases, lawyers and judges seldom have time for outside pursuits.
Plus, you have to get the lawyers to agree on songs and material.
Cast members, drawn from a number of law firms, began rehearsing twice a week in January. The show wasn't seamless, but I'm not sure another profession can generate as much talent.
In years past, the follies have featured material that was borderline offensive and, occasionally, downright tasteless. Although the 2005 effort seemed a bit muted, next year's show, the bar association's 20th, promises to be one of the liveliest because they will bring back the best songs from past productions.
If it's edgy and pushes the envelope, I think that will be a good thing.
My sons may have a future in the legal industry. At the state fair Sunday, Matthew wasn't allowed to get on some tame kiddie rides with his 3-year-old sister because the rules said she had to be accompanied by an adult. I saw this as an attempt to force me or my wife to buy a ride-all-day wrist band - we had limited our purchases to the kids - so we moved on.
But Matthew was ready to argue. As a 12-year-old, he was charged an adult admission. Matthew reasoned that made him an adult and eligible to accompany Madelyn. Someday, I may despise his argumentative skills, but in this particular case, I think he made a brilliant point.
Meanwhile, my younger son Ethan is still drawing raves from Brandon lawyer B. Lee Elam for his self-defense in a mock case at school: Three Little Pigs vs. the Big Bad Wolf. Despite evidence that he had damaged two houses, he got off.
Of course, my attorney-wannabe sons have no idea about "billable hours." Heaven help them.
That's all I'm saying.
Ernest Hooper can be reached at 813 226-3406 or Hooper@sptimes.com