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Noble cause beats being cowed into submission

By ERNEST HOOPER
Published March 8, 2005

I locked horns with the Chick-fil-A cow Monday.

And lost.

Initially, I thought it would be pretty easy to win a fundraising battle with the Chick-fil-A icon. After all, his hooves are too big to dial a telephone and he can't talk.

The cow and I, along with several Brandon residents, were "arrested" to help raise money for Valrico Elementary's Relay For Life campaign, which will benefit the American Cancer Society. Jail was the Beef O'Brady's corporate training store in Valrico, which means that in the history of this nation's penal system, few inmates have had better food.

It wasn't meant to be a competition - bail was set for each prisoner at $250 - but my kids, who were out of school Monday for the Strawberry Festival, laid down the gauntlet: "You gotta beat the cow," they said.

It should have been so easy. After all, I got a 30-minute head start on the bovine, and he walked in armed only with a piggy bank - correction, cow bank - full of chump change.

I, on the other hand, had my vast network of friends and contacts cultivated during 17 years as a Tampa Bay journalist. This would be a cakewalk.

Thirty minutes later, the cow was clanging his bell and celebrating, while I had beads of sweat trickling down my face. Somehow he had parlayed his change into nearly $300. I suspect Bevo, the University of Texas Longhorn, and Ralphie, the Colorado University Buffalo, bailed him out.

Beef people always stick together.

In fact, it was the whole beef thing that slowed me down. I was flummoxed by the fact the cow was willing to enter an establishment that serves Philly steak sandwiches. In fact, I thought about ordering roast beef just to throw him off his game.

The other problem was more real. Asking people for money is no easy task.

I started with a long phone list and my Leadership Tampa Alumni Directory, but I had to be judicious. First, I eliminated all the people I didn't know well enough to hit up for a donation. Then, I scratched off all the folks who work for nonprofits because they already give so much of themselves.

I followed that by discounting all the big spenders because people ask them all the time. Finally, I bypassed all the folks who I thought would say no.

That left me with two people.

Clearly, I had to redefine my criteria or face the prospect of busing tables to earn my keep. So I came up with a new plan: ask anyone I had ever had drinks with in a bar.

Ladies and gentlemen, believe me when I tell you that's a sizable group. And I figured after toasting pints with someone, there's a certain bond that makes a charitable request appropriate.

I just hope this doesn't cause people to walk out the next time I stroll into a bar at 5 p.m. That would change the meaning of happy hour.

Using my new rules, I quickly made my way through the list and found some extremely generous people. Calling upon my Times colleagues, I netted $88.

Other friends, including Denise Young, Jim Hackman, Jeff Dunn, Julia Rettig, Vonita Singh, Rob Stern and Ed Whitson, were among those who made sizable donations. My wife, Florence, who is chairing her own Relay For Life efforts for Aetna, also chipped in. Beth Leytham topped all with a $150 donation.

Two of my homeboys from Tallahassee, Ron Sneed and Martin Mayhew, put me over the top.

And only one person, who shall remain nameless, declined to contribute. She said I needed some jail time to become more repentant. I think she knows me too well.

In the end, 36 people donated a grand total of $763.

I'm oh so appreciative, but to tell you the truth, the most endearing contribution came from Kelly Wilson, Joy Judson and the other Valrico Elementary teachers who helped organize the fundraiser.

On a rare day off in between stressful FCAT testing, words like manicure, spa, beach and sleep should have been used to describe their activities. But they hunkered down in Beef O' Brady's and greeted "prisoners" well into the evening.

Giving money is great. Giving of yourself is greater.

That's all I'm saying.

CLARIFICATION: Scholar Cornel West is speaking Thursday at the University of South Florida's Special Events Center. A column Monday was unclear on the speaker's name.

--Ernest Hooper can be reached at 813 226-3406 or Hooper@sptimes.com

[Last modified March 8, 2005, 16:52:55]