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Crafts, kazoos, boats on parade

The banks of the Pithlachascotee bustled as much as the river at the Chasco Fiesta Boat Parade.

By STEVE THOMPSON
Published March 14, 2005

NEW PORT RICHEY - A little blond boy looked down into the Pithlachascotee River from its bank. He didn't seem to mind that no boats had shown up yet.

"Mommy, there it is," said Tyler Faller, 3. "That's a fish."

Mommy didn't think so. Whatever it was was floating, not swimming. She looked at her watch. It was 1 p.m. Saturday, and the 83rd annual Chasco Fiesta Boat Parade had yet to appear.

Farther upstream, by the Main Street bridge, Constantino Masotto, 62, and his wife were sunning themselves in lawn chairs. Masotto stuffed cotton in his ear to muffle the drone of a baptist evangelist, John Zambrotto, 23, who was explaining the perils of sin through a megaphone from the bridge.

"Enough is enough!" yelled Masotto. "Get the hell out of here!"

Others caught in the revival were less diplomatic. They threatened Zambrotto with his own baptism in the river.

"Want to preach now?" Zambrotto asked his partner, Jason Abbatoy, 26. "They hate me worse."

A police officer walked toward the pair, and the crowd along the river clapped. But the officer walked by.

"Jesus Christ's blood can cleanse the vilest sinners," Abbatoy went on. "He's the only way."

Over by the craft vendors, Oskwanontona Big Mountain was wearing a bear claw necklace and elk hide pants. He talked to a crowd about American Indian cooking on the Plains.

"The good thing about cooking out of a buffalo stomach," he said, is that after you've used it a few times, you can cut it up and put it in a stew.

Then, Big Mountain picked up what looked like a burnt biscuit.

"Buffalo chips," he said. "For some of you youngsters, it's poop."

American Indians used it to fuel their fires.

"There's not enough wood on the Plains," he said. "But there's plenty of this stuff."

When it was time for questions, 8-year-old Matthew Baker raised his hand. "Why don't you just use a stove?"

Big Mountain's presentation ended about 1:30 p.m., when the boats arrived near the bridge. Tyler, who had waited patiently, soon had collected three strands of beads from passing boaters.

"Here comes another boat," he would say, clapping as each passed.

Rio Vista Yacht Club's boat sported signs that said "Spring Break" and "Florida or bust." Several matronly women on board wore T-shirts that replaced their bodies with portraits of curvy, bikini-clad college girls.

"That's hilarious," said Kolby Watson, 12, who watched it go by with his sister and cousin.

After the last boat departed, Rick Hubbard climbed a riverside stage to perform the Kazoobie Kazoo Show. Hubbard's company, Kazoobie, based in Port Richey, claims for the town the title of "kazoo capital of the world." Hubbard's T-shirt read, "If You Build It ... They Will Hum."

He armed a dozen kids on stage with bubble blowers, and began singing and playing his kazoo.

"I'm gonna trap my troubles in a bottle of bubbles,"

"I'm gonna blow my troubles awaaaaay."

--Steve Thompson can be reached in west Pasco at 869-6245, or toll-free at 1-800-333-7505, ext. 6245. His e-mail address is sthompson@sptimes.com

[Last modified March 14, 2005, 01:28:20]