Laugh lines
By JOHN BARRY
Published March 26, 2005
It's pretty obvious that those who entered our Spring Break Caption Contest either attached themselves to IVs of Bud Light or dove headfirst from motel balconies for inspiration. And the two who quoted Jean-Paul Sartre and Stanley Kubrick probably indulged in something even stronger. It's also obvious that many people are hostile to men wearing Speedos (a blow to our cartoon's creator, St. Petersburg Times artist Don Morris, who has Speedos in five colors). Be that as it may, we do have a winner, Diann Swartzmiller of Pinellas Park, and many, many strange and frightening runnersup.
- JOHN BARRY, deputy Floridian editor
THE WINNER"Tell me, oh spring breaker of mine, when did you first begin to suspect? When they told you your physique was ideal to model the new line of European swimwear, or when they asked you to lie down on the pole next to the rope?"
Diann Swartzmiller, Pinellas Park
SPRING BREAKERS 2 SNOWBIRDS 0Janine Scott, Clearwater
"Did you remember to turn the coffee off?"Joanne Drake, St. Petersburg
"Daggblastit Mervin! I said, "Take me to My Aunt Mimi.' Not Miami!"Kim Markey, St Petersburg
"See, you never listen to me, I told you, "Never go to sleep on the beach.' "J. Briscoe, Clearwater
"Do these shorts make my hips look big?"Jeff Armstrong, Tallahassee
"I guess we're a captive audience."Jim Williams, St. Petersburg
"Look at the bright side, at least we're ready for hurricane season."Jim Donnelly, Palm Harbor
"If the Board of Education doesn't come up with our ransom, we'll miss Bike Week.""TampaStan" Good, Tampa
"One thing I could never stand is to see a filthy, dirty old drunkie, howling away at the filthy songs of his fathers and going blerp, blerp in between as if it might be a filthy old orchestra in his stinking rotten guts. I could never stand to see anyone like that, whatever his age might be, but more especially when he was real old like this one was." - Alex, A Clockwork Orange, screenplay by Stanley Kubrick.Deborah Hall, Clearwater
"Are they having sex yet?"Bongo Bates
"Speedo, socks and sandals? Yeah, you blend."Robert Arana, Dunedin
"I told you to pledge Phi Gam!"Robert McElhoes, Palm Harbor
"Oh lighten up, Leonard . . . it beats the bingo bus trip."Nina Lupini, St. Petersburg
"I told you George, you made a wrong turn. This is not the Wrinkle Ranch."Sheila J. Polgreen, St. Petersburg
"You did remember to take your diarrhea medicine?"C. Malan, St Petersburg
"I told you, Harry, Club Med is NOT short for Club Medicare!"Kay Perkins, Dunedin
"You probably need a license to expose THAT much flesh!"Karen Gilchrist, Oldsmar
"Well, there's only two more weeks to go."Joseph Zani, Clearwater
"Don't tell me to "Loosen up and hang 10, Mama.' "Judy Mintz, Tampa
"It's still better than being in Buffalo."Joseph Zani, Clearwater
"Just our luck to be the only virgins available at sacrifice time."Ken Allen, Lake Wylie, S.C.
"You better hope they all pass out before they wanna play strip poker!"Dale Uurbas, Spring Hill
"Two words . . . bikini wax."David Middleton, Pinellas Park
"Go ahead and suck in your gut NOW, Irving."Dee Moravec, Hudson
"It was funny when you said you wanted to pledge Delta Handa Poker at the card game on the hotel patio last night. It was funny when you changed your mind and said you'd rather go with Tappa Halfa Keg. It was NOT funny when, sitting next to that big guy's girlfriend, you then said that you'd actually already joined I Felta Thigh!"Tracy Reed, Clearwater
"Well, what did you expect for $29.95 a day?"Dave Allen, Safety Harbor
"Well, party boy, what tune is your iPod playing now?"William Neely, Dunedin
"Sartre was right - hell IS other people."Bonnie Lennon, Clearwater
"NOW the prunes decide to kick in."Steve Capri, Sarasota
"You better hope SPF stands for Splinter Protection Factor."John Heltz, Brooksville
"I'm beginning to think those topless girls on the balconies weren't waving for help."Laura Seppala, Largo
"And so it was only one minute past 11 this morning and that deli kid tries to make me pay full price for breakfast."Steve Capri, Sarasota