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Vijay and Tiger and Mick ... Oh, my!

By GARY SHELTON
Published April 10, 2005

AUGUSTA, Ga. - Stay tuned. The Bickersons will be back in a moment.

Who knows what they will shoot.

Who knows what they will say.

Maybe this time, Phil will wear chain saws on the soles of his shoes. Maybe this time, Vijay will alert the media. Maybe this time, Tiger will throw a golf club at both of them.

Ah, those rascals. No wonder America cannot get enough.

Take this weekend, as Chris DiMarco has attempted to turn the Masters into a personal keg party. DiMarco, the old Gator, has threatened to run off and hide and leave everyone else to scramble for the silver medal.

And yet, you cannot help but pay attention to the brand names trying to chase him down. Today might bring the golf tournament America has waited on for years. Tiger Woods, the most famous golfer in the world, spent most of Saturday leaving scorch marks on the course and was in second place. Vijay Singh, the No. 1 player in the world, was tied for fourth. Phil Mickelson, the defending champion, was tied for seventh.

Yessiree, everyone sure likes seeing those guys on the leaderboards.

Except, maybe, each other.

I know, I know. If you take them at their word, these guys are all swell chums, so close that, at any given time, they may break into three-part harmony. Even as you read this, Tiger is making waffles, Vijay is stirring coffee and Phil is out on the porch, sharpening his spikes. A little later on, before heading for the course, they'll watch the first half of The Three Amigos. This time, Vijay gets to be Ned.

Yep, they're pals all right. You can tell, because they say so. Of course, they say so with carefully chosen phrases lacking any degree of warmth or an ounce of conviction, the way a Republican talks about a Democrat when he's trying to be nice. Imagine three lead actors trying for the same role. Outwardly, they may say the right things, but they don't really convince anyone, especially themselves.

This is nothing new. Around golf, it is understood that Tiger doesn't have much use for Vijay, who doesn't care for Phil, who doesn't like Tiger, and so on. They are three men all trying to play king of the hill, and frankly, there isn't much room up there for company.

This event has been much of the same. With all the rain, you keep hearing the same questions over and over.

Do these guys like each other?

Does it matter if they like each other?

And, really, isn't it delicious if they don't like each other?

This week, the public spat has been between Mickelson and Singh. During Friday's rainy round, Singh kept noticing spike marks gouging the greens. He asked an official to check Mickelson's cleats. Mickelson was livid. Later, he confronted Singh in the locker room, and word is, it was so heated the two nearly instructed their caddies to fight.

Mickelson released a statement saying he had "confronted" Singh. He said he was "highly distracted" by having his spikes questioned, which may call into question how tightly Phil was strung out there. Also, it might reveal why Vijay might have questioned him to begin with.

By Saturday, both players were attempting to act as if their flareup was nothing but an old ripple on a different lake. Mickelson called it a dead issue. Singh suggested, "There's nothing wrong with telling a person he's spiking up the greens."

Right.

On the other hand, these little barbs seem to fly every so often. Not long ago, in an HBO interview, Singh questioned whether Mickelson's user-friendly persona was "the real Phil." Then there was the time Phil suggested Tiger played with "inferior" equipment. And the time Singh's caddie wore a hat asking "Tiger Who?" And the time the rumors flew that when Tiger called for drivers to be tested, he had Vijay's in mind.

In auto racing, they refer to all of this as "swappin' a little paint."

This is what a rivalry is, people. It is people fighting for a prize that each wants very badly. Golfers these days are like CEOs of large companies, in charge of different camps and different endorsements and different pressures. How close can you expect these guys to be?

It has been some time since golf has had so many distinctive flavors ready to do battle. Should it surprise you that, at any moment, they seem ready to do battle?

For the most part, fans love it when the stars of a sport aren't too chummy. It reminds us how passionate the athletes are, how personally they take things. These guys are not filming a buddy movie. They are not Musketeers; in golf, one is for one.

Again, that's another reason today shapes up as such intriguing theater. You have extra golf. You have superb players. You have familiar names. You have a lot of contestants on the game show.

DiMarco? He's held the lead before. It'll be interesting to see if he can hang on.

Woods? Isn't he the golfer who does everything but come from behind? Woods had rotten luck on Friday, or he might be in a dead heat with DiMarco entering today. Still, he looks like a guy ready to squelch all that talk about his slump.

Mickelson? For much of Saturday, he looked as if he was ready to put a run together. Maybe if he hadn't been worried about leaving footprints, he would have.

Singh? He was steady. Not particularly flashy, but steady. He's in a decent position if he gets hot and others stumble.

Yessiree, today could be something to see.

If someone will only say something nasty, it could be something to hear, too.

[Last modified April 10, 2005, 00:40:18]