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I usually sit around like the Maytag repairman, staring at my cold computer screen and waiting to hear from somebody, anybody, in the outside world.
But a column I wrote a couple of weeks ago on the circus surrounding Terri Schiavo accidentally turned into one of those chestnuts that goes spreading through cyberspace like some New Age Ponzi scheme.
Since then, thousands of total strangers have written in to tell me what a genius or a jackass I am. If the e-mails don't slow down soon, that column has a chance to take its place in the pantheon of overexposed pseudoprofundity alongside "When I Am An Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple" and that phony Kurt Vonnegut commencement address about wearing sunscreen.
As of Friday afternoon, I had received about 3,800 e-mails. I wish I had time to give fuller responses to the thousands of people who went to the trouble to send flattering, thoughtful and/or poignant messages. (We don't have a team of interns here at the Say Wha? answer desk.) But I'm going to do my best to answer everybody, except for the 75 or so who were obscene, insulting and/or incomprehensible.
While I appreciate all the praise of my alleged wit and wisdom, what really unites 98 percent of my correspondents is their disgust over the way political and religious demagogues tried to exploit the Schiavo case for their own crass purposes.
I've heard from dozens of people who shared their experiences in dealing with wrenching end-of-life decisions involving someone they love. Without exception, they said they are appalled by the prospect that their private tragedies could be turned into public farce by grandstanding politicians in Washington or Tallahassee.
I've also heard from dozens of doctors, nurses and other health care workers. Without exception, they said they are offended by the way their life's work has been distorted by many of the politicos, TV talkers and other hucksters who attached themselves to this story.
My mail obviously is a skewed sample of the general public, but surveys show that an overwhelming majority of Americans - including those who describe themselves as religious conservatives - opposed politicians' efforts to intrude in the Schiavo case. (Most of the social conservatives who have written me show a similar libertarian streak.)
Based on the breadth and depth of the public's reaction, I'd say politicians are kidding themselves if they think the Schiavo travesty will be forgotten by the time the next election comes around. This kind of government meddling hits close to home for every family.
In particular, Gov. Jeb Bush has damaged his national reputation. Floridians already knew Jeb well, but millions of people in the other 49 states had only a vague image of him as another Bush. Now he is widely seen as a moralistic interloper who kept trying to push his authority in the Schiavo case even after his brother had the good sense to back off. Many people also noticed that Jeb pointedly excluded Michael Schiavo from his condolendences to the family. The president wasn't that petty.
A few other observations based on reading a few thousand e-mails:
Hundreds of partisan Democrats were delighted (and a few partisan Republicans were unhappy) that I singled out Bill Frist, Tom DeLay and the Bush brothers - Republicans all - for their pandering in the Schiavo case. At the risk of offending some of my new cyberbuddies: It's true that most of the politicians who made extravagant fools of themselves are Republicans, as is usually the case when an issue presents an opportunity for empty flag-waving or Bible-thumping. But many prominent national Democrats reinforced their reputations as gutless wonders by ducking and covering like third-graders during the Cuban missile crisis. A few Democrats in Florida's congressional delegation showed some spine. Democratic U.S. Sen. Bill Nelson is still looking for his.
Some readers complained that my March 27 column failed to criticize Jesse Jackson. Like everyone on my mother's side of the family, I do have some psychic powers. But I failed to foresee that Jackson would show up on March 29 in a white limo at Schiavo's Pinellas Park hospice to provide a final dash of absurdity.
(I also failed to foresee that our honorable U.S. Sen. Mel Martinez would be dumb enough to get caught with a memo in his pocket detailing the ways he and other Republicans could manipulate the Schiavo tragedy for political gain. I knew these guys were shameless, but they're usually more discreet.)
At least Jackson tried to broaden the debate by discussing the health care needs of millions of Americans not named Terri Schiavo, but he could have done that without horning in on the prime camera space that until then had been reserved for Randall Terry, the friars and that pugnacious priest. By the next day, Jackson and Gov. Bush, perhaps empathizing with each other's stumbles, were propping each other up in Tallahassee like two drunks in search of a lamppost.
So many out-of-state e-mailers were so critical of Florida that I eventually found myself getting defensive.
A sample e-mail: "I had thought all of Florida was insane, and I'm glad you redeemed my opinion. Now I know there is one person in Florida who is not a nut case."
And my response: "Hey: Almost all of the nuts came from out-of-state, so don't blame us. And the Florida Senate - run by a bunch of Republicans, by the way - eventually helped to defuse what could have been a much bigger constitutional crisis by showing more political courage than Congress managed to muster."
In any case, I hope Terri Schiavo and her family finally find some peace, and I'm grateful to everyone who wrote me to inject some common sense and compassion into this sad, sorry story. And I offer this disclaimer to all the rest of you who found my column cluttering your computer like an herbal Viagra ad: Believe me, I didn't ask your eccentric cousin or or idle coworker to send it to you, and I'll try not to bother you again.
Robert Friedman is editor of Perspective. His e-mail address, in case somebody still doesn't know, is friedman@sptimes.com