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By ADRIAN PHILLIPS
Published April 13, 2005
Let's try a little experiment.
Child attachment . Please rate your response.
Scheduling . Did you feel a spike in your pulse?
Co-sleeping? Parent-directed feeding? Dr. Sears? Dr. Ezzo? Baby Whisperer? Happiest Baby on the Block? How about this one: Babywise?
By now you should be on the emotional roller coaster of infant education overstimulation.
It's a new age of parenting. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, try popping this question to the young mother sitting next to you at Starbucks sometime: "How long are you comfortable letting your baby cry?"
If she says, "No more than a minute or two," then just before you duck the pending third-degree burns, tell her the baby should be on a schedule by now. She'll then tell you in a tone you'll most likely feel uncomfortable with that babies cry because there's something wrong and they should never have to suffer like that.
If she says, "About 45 minutes," follow these steps: First, tell her you are going to call child protective services to report the abuse. Next, observe as her face contorts in anger and embarrassment. Finally, watch her pack up her child, diaper bag/purse (they are now one and the same), stroller, toys and receiving blankets and leave in a huff.
My wife and I are expecting our first any day now and in preparation for the next chapter in our lives, we've done our due diligence in reading books, taking classes, talking to friends and researching on the Web. I think we can now successfully defend all sides of nearly every issue of infant-rearing.
But if there's anything I have learned, it's that we, as parents, have to feel comfortable with our decisions. There is a temptation to become so polarized that as soon as you see a misbehaving or fussy child being raised by a parent in the other camp, it serves as evidence that you've chosen the "right" parenting philosophy and the other parent has chosen "wrong."
Listen, it's all good. We all have bad days and good days. And we parents and soon-to-be parents are doing the best we can. We love our kids and are doing all we can to raise them to be smart, kind, sociable and, hopefully, not on a path to repeat many of our mistakes.
Are there things we can all do to be better parents? Of course! Will some children respond better to certain parenting techniques than others? Duh! I watch Supernanny.
But the point is, as a dad-to-be in a few weeks, I appreciate all the advice (solicited and unsolicited), but now you've got to let it go. I think I speak for many of us when I say: If we ask for your help, please share it kindly, with empathy and with kid-gloves. (Pun intended).
Otherwise, please do your best to smile and encourage us from a distance. Isn't that what the child inside all of us needs anyway?
-- Adrian Phillips is editor of tampabay.com. E-mail him at aphillips@tampabay.com.
[Last modified April 13, 2005, 14:53:25]
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