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Survival of the sexiest

By TAMARA LUSH
Published April 26, 2005

	[Photo by Bill Cooke]
	Charlotte Lambert of St. Petersburg, a student at the University of Tampa, has had a lifelong desire to pose for Playboy magazine. Last week in Miami Beach was her third time to try out.

MIAMI - I wasn't feeling very sexy as my plane touched down in sultry South Florida.

I had, after all, just experienced the trifecta of unsexiness: eating a Seafood Salad Sensation at a gas-station Subway, waiting for my delayed commuter jet and writing a story about the Florida Legislature.

But there is no rest for the weary in journalism, and I had to go straight to my next assignment: a Playboy casting call in South Beach.

I walked into the Opium Garden, a nightclub where the auditions were under way. It was the middle of the day and the club was empty.

A bouncer asked if I was there for the casting call, and I nodded. He pointed me toward the stairs and I passed torn Asian balloon lamps and oversized, threadbare pillows.

I paused at the top to look around. Six women sat on faded greenish-gray couches. All had three things in common: long, straight hair, big breasts and lips so glossy it looked as though they had each kissed an oil slick.

They all stopped what they were doing and stared at me. I noticed that some were holding magazines called Vixens and Lingerie. Their gaze started with my hair, went to my face, my breasts, my legs and, finally, my feet, which were an unpedicured, crusty mess. Unlike the women - many of whom wore clear, Lucite heels - I was wearing flip-flops.

As I crept toward an open seat, I felt uneasy. My hands and feet perspired. At first, it didn't register. Why were they staring?

Then it hit me.

They were sizing up the competition.

***

"This is the steamiest, sexiest city in the world,"

- Jennifer Lopez during the 2004 MTV music video awards, which were held in Miami.

Sexiness starts on South Beach, and slowly works its way through the rest of the city.

Topless is common on the wide, luxurious beaches, and there's even a sizable chunk of sand that's reserved for folks who want to shed it all.

No one looks askance if a woman - or man - wanders around the streets of South Beach in only a thong. Little more is required for clubs or restaurants. Nearly every business encourages full-throttle sexiness, from the couture boutiques selling gauzy, see-through halter tops to the Brazilian bikini-wax shops offering a smooth nether-region for only $20.

Models flood the beach each winter, hoping for a shot at the catwalk, but most settle for a sexy trot to Segafredo, an Italian coffee bar on trendy Lincoln Road.

Food is sexy here, as well. Couples canoodle at sidewalk cafes, feeding each other salmon-roe sushi with perfectly manicured hands. Drinks are sleek and clear, infused with luscious tropical fruits that beg to be nibbled on. In public.

For men, a fat wallet, ripped abs and a red Lamborghini are the sexy gold standard in Miami. So is a Spanish or Italian accent.

In the actual city, where I live, sexiness is subdued, but only a little. The other day at my community pool, I saw three Latinas sunbathing topless. Families played nearby, and no one complained about the nudity.

Soon after I saw the topless women at my pool, I spotted a flier for the Playboy casting call. That got me thinking.

How hard is it to be sexy, in what is arguably the sexiest city in America?

***

I ask this question of Cheryl Cecula, a leggy blond who is sitting next to me at the Opium Garden.

Cecula narrows her eyes.

"It's definitely brutal," she says, nearly spitting out her words. "You go to a club here and women are eyeing each other evilly.

"Catty is a look here in Miami."

Cecula, 29, has done some modeling. She is nearly 6 feet tall and has really long hair. Like the other 70-plus women who showed up for the casting call, Cecula just wants a chance to be in Playboy.

To the women here, Playboy is the ultimate arbiter of beauty.

Yet, Cecula knows this casting call is competitive; and if she is one of the four or five chosen, she will then be paid $600 to pose for more photos, which will end up in a Playboy Special Edition (Vixens, Lingerie, Desperate Housewives).

There is only a minuscule chance that Cecula, or any of these women, will actually win a coveted monthly centerfold.

No matter how sexy they are.

***

I tried to eavesdrop on nearby conversations. I wanted to know what sexy people talked about. I was thrilled to tune into one discussion between a guy in cargo pants and a girl wearing a pink robe and silver high heels.

Guy: "So, you want to be a psychologist, huh?"

Girl: "Yeah!"

Guy: "What kind of psychologist?"

Girl (tossing her mane of black hair): "I don't know! Some kind of psychologist!"

***

Most of the women didn't want to admit that the rampant sexiness in Miami was intimidating.

Charlotte Lambert of St. Petersburg was more honest.

"Miami equals sexy," she said. "It's in your face here."

Lambert is 21 and an English major at the University of Tampa.

The Tampa-St. Petersburg area is much more conservative, Lambert says. At her apartment building, she can't even wear a thong bikini at her pool.

But there is a downside to all this sexiness in Miami, she said.

"It's easier to be sexy here," she said, "but it's harder to be noticed as sexy here."

That's what all of these women - well, every woman on the planet - wants: to be noticed.

Lambert has a fallback plan if she doesn't grace Playboy: She wants to write for Rolling Stone. Having a brain, she said, is sexy.

Lambert has perfectly straight black hair, an impossibly flat, tiny stomach and a lifelong desire to pose for Playboy. This is her third time trying out.

The previous attempts, she said, were failures because she didn't exude enough confidence.

She has the routine down: fill out an application, pose for two Polaroids, wait to be called for the photos. The Playboy photographers will take pictures of her in a cute lingerie set, then if she wants, she will pose topless. It's a five-minute process.

Still, she seems a little anxious. She surreptitiously runs her tongue across her front teeth, checking for lipstick.

She shyly smiles at everyone and wants to chat. The other girls give her a passing, chilly glance.

Susie Lin, who has posed for the Playboy Special Editions and is there to help out, looks at Lambert. "Isn't she a doll?" Lin says.

The other women throw daggers with their eyes.

***

Maria Acosta, age 22, is from Argentina. She showed up for the casting call with her boyfriend.

She doesn't think Miami is particularly sexy. It's actually a little repressed, she claims, compared to other parts of the world.

"Here, people are more self-conscious," she said. "It's the way they are brought up."

Maria usually goes topless on Miami's beaches and she has noticed that American tourists always whisper and giggle when they see her.

In Argentina, she said, "People don't see topless as a big deal."

***

Playboy has a staff photographer in Miami.

His name is Jarmo (pronounced: Yar-MOH). He is of indeterminate ethnic origin, has sun-kissed blond hair and very white teeth. His accent is sexy.

There is another guy here, Jeff Cohen, the executive editor and publisher of Playboy Special Editions. During his 20-year career at Playboy, he has coordinated photo shoots and edited pictures of tens of thousands of beautiful, nude women.

Cohen wears wire-rimmed glasses and is a little shorter than Jarmo. Cohen looks like he would be a good next-door neighbor. He is sexy, too, largely because he is a good listener, a trait that is in short supply - and extremely attractive - in any man.

The women in Miami are a tad competitive, Cohen notes. In other cities, the women who are trying out are a little more supportive, more "sisterly." But for the magazine - which once focused on putting the "girl next door" in its pages - Miami's diversity is the sexiest thing of all.

"The cultural mix is far more dramatic than any other city, even New York," Cohen said.

He went on. "I don't believe Miami is the sexiest city." Jarmo shook his head.

"New York is the sexiest city. In the middle of winter, when the women are all bundled up, walking down the street. . . ."

I thought of all those women outside the studio, in their 4-inch-high Lucite heels and 4-inch-long skirts. Maybe their chances of getting in the magazine would have improved if they had worn wool coats or mufflers.

***

If Lambert is nervous when she is summoned to Jarmo and Cohen, she doesn't show it. She strides into the makeshift photo area, which is normally one of the club's many bars.

"You're back again!" Cohen says to her. She smiles, pleased to be remembered from her previous attempts.

Cohen flirts lightly with her - that's one of his tactics, to see how confident and interesting a woman really is - and Lambert flirts back.

"How did you hear about the casting call?" Cohen asks.

She doesn't miss a beat: "I live on playboy.com!"

Jarmo announces that they're ready to take photos, and Lambert whips off her pink robe. She stands on a piece of white paper, which is blindingly white because of the heavy lights. Two brown-and-white faux horsehair ottomans sit on the paper.

"Very sexy," Jarmo purrs.

She is wearing a black bra and black boy shorts, which have a little bow in back. She turns around and gives Jarmo a come-hither glance. He snaps away, while Cohen videotapes the audition.

Pouting, she straddles one of the hairy ottomans.

"I luuuurve that," Jarmo said. "One, two and, SEXY!"

***

"The sexiest woman of the day? Hmmm." Cohen looked at Jarmo.

"The Cuban woman," Jarmo said.

"Yes! She was one of the top five so far," Cohen said. "She was a 46-year-old Cuban woman."

Jarmo added: "She looked unbelievable, like she was 28. No cosmetic surgery, all natural."

Her recipe for sexiness, she told them, is lots of water and lots of sex.

Apparently, the woman had arrived in the morning with her 22-year-old daughter, who also tried out.

Her daughter had a beautiful body, said Cohen, but mom was waaay sexier.

"It was her attitude," he said. "All confidence."

Update: Charlotte Lambert, the University of Tampa student, got a callback from Playboy Friday during a psychology class. The magazine is scheduled to take photos of Lambert this week in Miami. She will appear in the College Girls special edition magazine. "I'm still in shock, this is honestly a dream come true for me," she wrote in an e-mail. "I'm so overwhelmed with excitement."

-- Tamara Lush can be reached at 727 893-8612 or at lush@sptimes.com

[Last modified April 25, 2005, 19:28:02]