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On Sapp's letters, celebration tunes and going incognito

By GARY SHELTON
Published May 1, 2005

Hello, I'm Warren Sapp. Just wondering, but did anyone pick up the mail?

Now that Sapp is a man of letters, we're all dying to know about that box of his mail that might be auctioned. Here's a guess: It includes 13 pre-approved Visa cards, a cell phone bill, a letter from old buddy Keyshawn Johnson and a request from a fan for Sapp to get him Derrick Brooks' autograph.

Also, a letter from the Bucs, stating: "Whew."

Correction: Previously, the Times has referred to Curt Schilling as "Blood and Guts." The nickname actually should have been "Blood and Nuts." The Times regrets the error.

This just in: Eight days after the Broncos selected Maurice Clarett, they have been placed on probation by the NCAA.

If Adam Sandler and Chris Rock had to remake a sports movie, why couldn't it have been Chariots of Fire? That way, I could be sure I wouldn't watch.

Just wondering: When Cadillac Williams runs the ball for the first time, what are the odds of the p.a. system playing Pink Cadillac?

First, a Japanese reporter is kicked out of the Trop for life for trying to enter Vince Naimoli's bathroom, then a Mets scout. Makes you wonder. Just what is in that bathroom?

Just because they play the same position, went to the same school, both played pro baseball and both wore dreadlocks, I think it's ridiculous that everyone keeps comparing Cedric Benson to Ricky Williams. By the way, Cedric, what size wedding dress do you wear?

Since it wasn't proven that Adrian McPherson gambled, it probably doesn't strike anyone else that the Superdome is so darned close to the casinos. Right?

Just wondering: When the Falcons come to town next year and Michael Vick, a.k.a. Ron Mexico, runs the ball, what are the odds of the p.a. playing The Mexican Hat Dance?

If you're into comparisons, try this. At least Jon Gruden won seven games the year after his team won the championship. John Tortorella hasn't won any.

I see where Sports Illustrated calls the Devil Rays the third-hardest pro franchise to watch, behind the Browns and the White Sox. Which begs the question: Don't they illustrate sports in Arizona?

Looking ahead, the 49ers are the favorite to finish last again this season. The Matt Leinart trade talks will begin immediately.

In case you're weary of Cadillac jokes, consider this. When the Bucs draft next year, UCLA tight end Mercedes Lewis is expected to be on the board.

The funniest offshoot of the Ron Mexico pseudonym comes from Jerry Greene of the Orlando Sentinel, who points out the name generator at gorillamask.net/ronmexico/. Not that any of them have need of an alias, but Jon Gruden is " " Kip Mongolia," Tortorella is " " Giorgio Guam" and Lou Piniella is " " Kurt Turkmenistan."

Also, Carl Crawford is " " Gary Mexico," Vinny Lecavalier is " " Adonis Laos," Derrick Brooks is " " Xavier Papau New Guinea" and Ronde Barber is " " Bruno Senegal." Naimoli is " " Krister Australia," Bill Davidson is " " Bjorn Russia" and Malcolm Glazer is " " Franc Barbados."

Schilling, and I am not making this up, is " " John Mullet Switzerland."

Personally, I think it's rather bold of the Bucs to draft a runner from Bo Jackson University and a linebacker from the University of Broderick Thomas.

Ryan Secrest on the Walk of Fame, Dwyane Wade among People's 50 most beautiful people and Vijay Singh in the golf Hall of Fame. Does anyone want to explain this to Ron Santo?

No, really. What I meant to say was that North Carolina won't win next year's NCAA championship. For the record: Oops.

Did you read about those guys who lined up weeks in advance for the new Star Wars movie ... at the wrong theater? Redskins scouts, no doubt.

Finally, I checked on eBay, but I still can't find a price on the Schilling "Bobblemouth" doll.

[Last modified April 30, 2005, 23:59:18]