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Guest column

Broach driving topic with care

By BARBARA RHODE
Published May 8, 2005

Today Neighborhood Times begins a column on family and relationship issues. The advice comes from Barbara Rhode, a licensed psychotherapist who lives in St. Petersburg. Send in your questions, and Barbara will make composites of the best or most common themes and answer them. Of course, this does not substitute for professional counseling.

My parents are in their late 70s and live in Kenwood. Both drive, which seems fine right now. But I fear it might not be safe much longer. How do I talk to them about letting go of their licenses and some of their precious independence?

Are you actually starting to notice some changes in their ability to drive?

If so, discuss with them how, when and where they drive. Perhaps they can still drive in Kenwood itself, particularly if you help them map out safe routes. But maybe driving on the interstate is too much. Perhaps they should drive only during the day.

Package any recommendations with a lot of respect and love, beginning with something about your concerns for their safety. Do it the way you will want to hear those same words said to you someday. And watch them carefully and take detailed notes from here on so you can be sure to catch even minor changes.

AAA offers a DVD for seniors who might benefit from a brush-up course. AARP also offers Driver Safety Classes for seniors, taught by volunteers. The next two-day class will be Tuesday and Wednesday at the Sunshine Center from 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. The cost is $10. The phone number is 893-7622; AARP is (888) 687-2277.

My 13-year-old daughter and her friends want to hang out at BayWalk on the weekends, but after the recent problems, I am nervous about letting her go alone. This is causing a lot of heated discussions at home lately. Help!

As a parent, I understand how tough the "breaking away and becoming independent" process can be for everyone. St. Petersburg police say it's fine for minors to attend movies or shop and eat but that it's a bad idea to simply hang out at BayWalk. There needs to be a purpose to their being there. Discuss the boundaries of a safe area around BayWalk where you will let her hang with her friends. But be clear on the consequences if she strays from that area. Perhaps Beach Drive is okay but Straub Park is off-limits. Around 10:30 p.m., the atmosphere at BayWalk does tend to become more of an adult scene. So it's simply good sense to plan a movie that lets out before then. The art of negotiating is important for any teenager to develop. This is a great chance to practice.

My son will enter the ninth grade this fall, and he is already nervous about changing to a high school. He loves Bay Point Middle and seems to get overwhelmed when I try to explain the "choice plan" to him. How can I help him handle this?

Coping with change is one of the most stressful challenges any of us face. And for a child, changing schools is near the top of the stress list. Gauge as best you can the anxiety he is feeling. Does it seem at least somewhat manageable? Then try "exposure techniques," such as an open house or a discovery night. Or try shadowing - letting your son follow a ninth-grader through a school day.

If your son's anxiety is overwhelming or even close to it, though, consider seeking some professional help. Children exhibit anxiety differently from adults, and their symptoms are often focused on school. School phobia can become a pretty serious ailment and is best treated as early as possible.

To contact Barbara Rhode, LMFT, e-mail her at brhode840@hotmail.com or mail your questions to Barbara Rhode, c/o Jim Verhulst, suburban editor, St. Petersburg Times, 490 First Ave. S, St. Petersburg, FL 33701.

[Last modified May 8, 2005, 00:45:19]