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Guest column

To keep joy in graduation, keep parents in control

By AMELIA VAN NAME LARSON
Published May 16, 2005

School graduations signal the end of another school year and the start of a new chapter in a child's life. In Pinellas County, public high school graduations are scheduled this week.

Few moments in the life of a teenager match the sheer anticipation and expectations of high school graduation. For graduates and their families, this time means much more than fancy clothes, fancy drives, fancy dinners and a corsage; it marks the end of an era and the beginning of a wonderful and rewarding time.

Unfortunately, graduation also proclaims another tradition: the opportunity for celebration and underage drinking, and that can lead to serious problems.

Parents, this is a time of great vulnerability for your children. Great tragedy and great joy are often separated only by a fleeting moment, a single snap decision.

To help counteract this problem, parents should open the lines of communication and promote the concept of a loving, supervised, safe, alcohol-free graduation night.

Graduation is a time when your child needs some latitude, but your shadow and your values should be close by. Ideally, parents have instilled their moral compass in their children and modeled responsible decisionmaking all along. However, this is a good time for a quick review.

Prepare your teen to deal with some of the challenges and pressures he or she might face during this festive time. Yes, your teenager might roll his eyes or say, "C'mon, mom and dad." But, you can handle that a lot better than the serious consequences of underage drinking and poor decisionmaking.

Of course, words only go so far. Ensuring your teen's safety is your ultimate job as a parent. Things you can do as a parent:

--Tell them how much you love them.

--They might be graduating but they still live at home. Set a time for them to be home.

--Tell them you probably won't sleep until they get home (a little guilt won't hurt).

--Give them a cell phone to use before they leave. Let them know that if they don't answer their cell phone, it will cost them dearly.

--Ask your child for an itinerary and encourage or require them to check in.

--Set clear limits from the get-go. Refuse to supply alcohol to anyone younger than 21.

--Make sure that alcohol is not brought into your home or onto your property by your child's friends.

--Talk to other parents about not providing alcohol at events your child will be attending.

--Be on call. Make sure your teens understand that you will provide a pickup service at any hour.

"Make an explicit agreement that you will pick them up and not ask any questions, at least not that night," says Wendy Hamilton, the national president of Mothers Against Drunk Driving.

--Be at home when your child has a party. Volunteering to host an after-graduation party is commendable, but that does not mean that you should take on the entire planning responsibility. Get a large network of parents to work with you.

--Know who your children's friends are and what they do. Teens who hang out with friends who engage in risky behaviors, such as smoking and drinking, are far more likely to smoke and drink themselves, as well as engage in other risky behaviors.

If you are planning on hosting an after-graduation party, your teen might tell you that "other parents let us drink" or "no one will come to my party if we don't serve alcohol." Just remember that open house parties involving underage drinking are illegal. Such parties could also subject you to civil liability for damages, injuries or deaths caused by illegal substance use.

State law reads : 856.015 Open House Parties: No adult having a control of any residence shall allow an open house party to take place at said residence if any alcoholic beverage or drug is possessed or consumed at said residence by any minor where an adult knew that an alcoholic beverage or drug is in the possession of or being consumed by a minor at said residence or where the adult fails to take reasonable steps to prevent the possession or consumption of the alcoholic beverage or drug.

Any person who violates any of the provisions of this subsection commits a misdemeanor of the second degree, punishable as provided in 775.082.

If as a parent you have adopted the misguided strategy that "I would rather they drink in front of me than behind my back," then you have pretty much guaranteed they will do both. When your child celebrates responsibly, wonderful and lasting memories can come from these special events.

--This column was prepared by the Department of Student Services at the District School Board of Pasco County and submitted by Amelia Van Name Larson, supervisor of student services.

[Last modified May 16, 2005, 01:11:15]