She can't be elected? I'll bet you she can
By HOWARD TROXLER
Published June 12, 2005
Listen up:
Just 'cause YOU and your friends hate a certain politician ...
That doesn't mean that person can't get elected.
People are funny. The more they dislike a politician, the more they believe he or she is too "polarizing" to win.
"The other party would be CRAZY to run that person!" such persons allege. "I'll dance in the street if they do!"
Well, go ahead, kiddies, celebrate away. 'Cause I've got a bet for you.
I've got even money that says if Katherine Harris is the Republican nominee for U.S. Senate in 2006, she wins.
Wait, there's more.
I've also got even money that says if Hillary Clinton is the Democratic nominee in 2008, she's the next president of the United States.
Here are my terms.
The bets will be for $1 a pop. One per customer per race. You don't even have to put cash on the barrel. We're going on the honor system here, for charity.
All you gotta do is (1) be a Floridian and (2) send me a postcard with your return address saying, "You're wrong about Harris," or "You're wrong about Hillary."
Or send one postcard for each race. E-mails don't count. What, writing a little postcard is gonna kill you?
If I win, you'll have to give your dollar to charity. Remember, you're on the honor system. I'll remind you.
If you win, I'll give $1 for each postcard to charity, up to, let's say, $500 per race. Plus, I'll have to admit I was wrong. That's no big deal to me, since I'm wrong all the time, but some folks sure like hearing it.
Last, the bet is off if Harris or Clinton don't end up as the nominee. But I'll hold up my end of the deal even if I get fired or win the lottery and quit or something.
Now, you might be thinking, "Have you lost your mind?"
Nope. Politicians with name power beat politicians who don't have name power. Even if you don't happen to like them.
Katherine Harris is a name. So is Hillary. So is Jeb. So is Arnold. So, in Florida, is Charlie Crist.
I can only imagine my Democratic friends sputtering. They hate Harris. They hate her with a bug-eyed, slobbering, uncontrollable venom. They blame her for stealing the 2000 presidential election.
Which is why I really don't think the Democrats will be able to run a decent campaign against her. They're gonna be so hateful and spiteful that normal people are going to go, "Huh?"
Besides, Katherine Harris is the meanest campaigner in Florida. She'll eviscerate Bill Nelson, the incumbent, and frankly I don't think the Nelson campaign will figure out how to deal with her. They'll do what Democrats usually do, which is congratulate each other about how much better they are than the Republicans. Oh, yeah, and whine to the press that "you're letting her get away with it."
Now, about Hillary Clinton.
Everybody says she's doing a great job - a great job - representing New York state in the Senate. She's been every place in the state. She slaves over every detail. One poll gave her a 49 percent approval rating among Republicans.
She's a war hawk when she needs to be. She's buddying up with Newt Gingrich, for Pete's sake. She works hard, ignores every insult, shakes every hand, remembers to do every favor. She has been humble and learned her role in the Senate.
In other words, she is her husband. Without the bad stuff.
Now my Republican friends will sputter! Go ahead, get it out. She's your worst nightmare. She's the bandana-wearing, war-protesting, hippie, America-hating 1960s, and she is GETTING AWAY WITH IT, and you can't do anything about it except trade Internet rumors. Nyah, nyah!
And here's the best part: A certain percentage of YOU are gonna vote for her.
So, pony up. The deadline is Dec. 31, 2005, for Harris.
It's Dec. 31, 2007, for Hillary.
Send your postcards to: Howard Troxler Is Wrong, c/o St. Petersburg Times, P.O. Box 1121, St. Petersburg, FL 33731. You have to include your real name and your true, Florida mailing address.
One bet, per race, per customer.