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Want to be a Hilton? Why?

NBC's reality show about high society is too contrived to take seriously.

By CHASE SQUIRES
Published June 20, 2005

One woman from the Tampa Bay area wants to be a Hilton.

One? Out of nearly 2.5-million people?

After seeing the first two episodes of NBC's summer-filler reality fare I Want to Be a Hilton , I'd say one seems a little high.

The premise of NBC's reality show is 14 rubes try to learn about "high society" from Kathy Hilton - QVC pitchwoman, wife of real-estate investor Rick Hilton, and mother of embarrassing daughters Paris and Nicky Hilton.

Meet Kathy Hilton's standard of culture and win $200,000, a New York City apartment and "access to the Hilton Rolodex."

Locked in battle with a Texas cattle rancher, a New York plumber, a Las Vegas showgirl and others who spit tobacco and marvel at goat cheese, escargot and - gasp - lobster is 28-year-old Ann Poonkasem of Plant City.

Good news for local cheering interests: The 2001 Miss Tampa/national anthem singer flies under the radar for much of the show's early episodes, avoiding scandal, catfights and spit-swapping sessions. The bad news: When she does appear, she looks downright weird, arriving in high-heeled granny boots, a miniskirt and an American flag jacket, then bursting into song at odd moments.

One contestant, 31-year-old California Department of Motor Vehicles clerk Latricia, dubs Poonkasem "the singin' diva" and tells the camera, "I was taken aback because she kind of went into song like she had some kind of sickness."

Poonkasem isn't allowed to talk about the show, but on air she explained her unusual behavior in one episode, "I may have got too excited, but that's just how I am."

Okay. Fair warning.

But whether or not Poonkasem wins is irrelevant for such a contrived show. The question isn't "Who Wants to Be a Hilton," it's "Who Cares?" There are, however, a few fun moments of irony.

"Ever wonder where the Hilton sisters learned to become jet-setting celebutants?" a narrator asks.

Uh, ever wonder where Paris Hilton learned to treat normal, working people like dirt?

"Each week you'll be learning a different facet of life at the top," Kathy Hilton tells her eager pupils. "And we'll be setting up special challenges to test you on what you've learned, from etiquette to style to culture, to dealing with the press. And trust me, my family knows a thing or two about that."

Okay, pop quiz: Your elder daughter's homemade sex video appears on the Internet; your other daughter thinks a husband is a supermarket impulse item. Care to comment?

Fawning over her host, contestant Latricia explains "I think Mrs. Hilton and her family understand that there are people who are not as fortunate as they are."

Sure, there are. They're called "the help."

Seriously. The Hiltons teaching class? What, the Clampetts were too busy? At least in company like this, how bad could Poonkasem look?

[Last modified June 20, 2005, 01:35:17]