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Religion

Easing the pain of divorce, with care

A program based on the Bible is designed to show people going through a separation or divorce how to deal with all the turmoil.

By GAIL HOLLENBECK
Published August 6, 2005

HERNANDO - When Wendy Hall's marriage was ending 14 years ago, she could have used some support.

"Going through a divorce is a lengthy process," Hall said. "The support of other people that are going through the same thing would have helped me tremendously."

Now Hall, 47, is heading up a program that will offer help to those who are going through the pain of separation and divorce.

DivorceCare is a weekly seminar and support group that includes a 13-week video series with experts discussing divorce and recovery topics from a biblical perspective. Topics include facing anger, loneliness, depression and forgiveness. Hall will facilitate the discussion program that follows the video.

Although Hall's church, Hernando United Methodist, will act as a sponsor for the program, DivorceCare is nondenominational and everyone is welcome who is separated or divorced.

"This program is based on videos by Christian authors," Hall said. "They have a lot of good resources and it's been very successful. I think there are over 2,000 churches using the program across the country."

Hall said her own Christian background served as a foundation for her while divorcing.

"For me there was financial and emotional stress. Then there was a custody situation with my son. I decided to go to school and get my master's degree, so I moved where the university was and didn't know people, plus there was the daily drama of something else coming up related to the divorce. There's so many ways that you can be affected with divorce, and if you don't have a foundation to go from, you may be totally hopeless and despondent."

Hall said she is happy to have found a program grounded in the Bible.

"It utilizes Scripture," she said. "It also has a workbook which has a daily Bible study. It deals with some of the hard issues like anger and why is this happening to me, the kind of things you wouldn't get in other type venues for counseling or support.

"I went to some individual counseling that was helpful, but it wasn't anything nearly as helpful as this where it's spiritually based. I don't know how you can go through a divorce or death if you don't have some faith or some hope to go forward with."

Hall is now remarried but wants to help others avoid the long, lonely road she endured.

"I still remember vividly what the needs were that I struggled with," she said. "I feel this course can be tremendously beneficial to the people who come."

Jerry Carmichael, 66, is the group leader for the ongoing DivorceCare program that meets at First United Methodist Church of Inverness.

"I started going there four years ago and saw that the program is very biblically based. I realized that is the only way that we're going to receive healing and be able to walk on into a better life," Carmichael said.

Like Hall, Carmichael is a woman who knows the pain of divorce. But attending the DivorceCare program helped her make it through the tough times.

"It hits on all the subjects that you need to deal with like anger, developing new relationships and how to handle children in a divorce situation. It teaches how to depend on God and look in his word for the answers."

Carmichael was asked to help with the program while she was taking the course.

"I went through the course and before I even finished, they asked me to be a facilitator. We have a leader of the group and facilitators that take the smaller groups and facilitate the conversation flow. Two years ago I took over the whole program."

The course can be helpful to parents whose children are going through divorce.

"The tendency if you have not gone through divorce is to say, "Oh, get over it and just move on,' " Carmichael said. "When you have been so devastated by divorce, it's quite different than death. Death's final; you have to deal with it and move on. Divorce is an insidious act upon you, because the rejection is there and they're always out there, it's always nebulous."

One couple who was considering divorce attended the class.

"They were reconciled and remarried and it was just a beautiful thing," Carmichael said. "There's a lot of emotional healing."

Though some people attend to meet others who are divorcing, Carmichael said she tries to discourage relationships.

"At this point I just want them to become whole and healed," she said.

Carmichael said her leader's manual sums up what the program is all about.

"The Bible is presented as the owner's manual for life throughout the DivorceCare program. We believe the Bible provides direction from God for issues such as separation, divorce, reconciliation and remarriage.

"These concepts are presented in a sensitive, compassionate manner and will be of interest even to nonbelievers and people not familiar with biblical concepts."

Carmichael said ministering to those who are hurting has a cost.

"It's emotionally draining because you hear so many sad stories," Carmichael said.

"But it's well worth it. If I can help that one person, that's what I want to do."

DivorceCare meets from 7 to 9 p.m. Tuesdays at First United Methodist Church, 3896 S Pleasant Grove Road, Inverness. The course is free; workbooks cost $15 with scholarships available to those in need. Call 726-2522 or 344-4612 or e-mail jlc@naturecoast.net Also, the 13-week program will be at 7 p.m. Thursdays beginning Aug. 18 at Hernando United Methodist Church, 2125 E Norvell Bryant Highway. Call 746-1072 or e-mail whapner@tampabay.rr.com The program is free; workbooks are available for those who choose to use them for $12. Information on DivorceCare may be found at www.divorcecare.com The site offers resources and a chat room and sends daily e-mails of inspiration and encouragement.

[Last modified August 6, 2005, 01:36:22]