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Rookie Mom

Group saves new moms' sanity, creates bonds

By KATHERINE SNOW SMITH
Published August 21, 2005

The 100 parents, mostly moms, who recently attended the five-year reunion of the new moms support group at Bayfront Medical Center could be roughly divided into two camps.

There were those with a toddler at their knee or 1-year-old propped on their hip who talked about the great friendships they made at the weekly meetings.

Then there were the moms cradling little babies in their arms or sitting pensively next to their car seat carriers who said the support group "saved my life," "got me through the next week" or "made me realize I wasn't a terrible mom."

These comments are evidence that this program, which started about five years ago, works.

It takes mothers through that first year from nervous, sleepy moms who second-guess much of what they do to becoming calm, confident moms ready to take on the next phase of parenthood.

Any mother and her child are invited to attend the free meetings, from 10 a.m. to noon on Tuesdays at Bayfront. It doesn't matter if they delivered at the hospital or not. The kids range in age from a few weeks to more than a year old. About 30 moms and babies come each week.

The babies roll, eat, sleep or play on a mat in the middle of the floor while the moms talk about their week, ask each other questions and offer one another advice and tips. Bayfront lactation specialist Kim Raimer is on hand to facilitate the conversation and answer questions. For many mothers who breast-feed, those two hours with Raimer are as golden as a novice golfer would view two hours on the green with Tiger Woods.

"When I was on maternity leave, the women I met through this group saved my life," said Marlena Morrison, who started coming when her 7-month-old son was just 6 weeks old. "Family members always want to give advice, and that can be helpful ... but I was glad to talk to somebody who didn't do it 30 years ago but did it 30 minutes ago. It's great to talk to somebody going through it at the same time."

"The support is incredible," said Suzanne Tredo. One of her first challenges as a new parent was getting her son to fall asleep without being held. She never got a real remedy, except assurance that he would grow out of this phase and that a lot of babies did the same thing.

"It made me realize that he's normal, that everything is good," she said.

After a few meetings, Mashonda Smith figured out her fussy baby was just "gassy."

"I thought "Okay. So I'm not a bad mom,' " she said with a laugh at the reunion. "In the beginning (of new motherhood) it was nice to get away from the house and talk to other moms who understood."

She also liked the fact that she got to weigh her baby each week and get reassurance of healthy weight gain, which meant the breast-feeding was going well.

I asked Raimer how often she saw symptoms of postpartum depression among the mothers over the years. She estimated she sees 20 women a year with mild to moderate depression.

"We had someone bring it up one day at a meeting and other moms opened up and started talking about it too," she said. The support found in the group is not enough to treat postpartum depression, but once somebody feels comfortable enough to say they have some level of depression, Raimer can refer them to other therapy options.

Whether it's some form of "baby blues," how to get a baby to latch on for nursing, or how soon to have sex after childbirth, everything is on the table for discussion at the support group.

A big thank-you card to program organizers at the reunion says it all:

"Thanks for helping me survive," one mom wrote. "You have made the biggest difference," another said. "Thank you so much for your love and patience," a mother added.

Janna Vance, who had her baby in May 2004, set up a Microsoft network of moms from the Bayfront group to share troubles and triumphs between meetings and after they leave the group. I asked her what people had the most questions about.

"Definitely sleeping issues and starting solid foods," she said. "What do we start with? When do we start? Doctors, the American Academy of Pediatrics, they all say different things."

As babies start walking, it gets harder to contain them during the two-hour meetings. So Dawn Goddard found a way to keep the support group going as babies "graduated."

She organized a play group of moms and their children, who meet regularly for outings, holiday parties and moms' nights out.

She started an e-mail list of moms that now has 96 names on it. About five e-mails a day go out between the moms asking for advice on everything from getting children to sleep through the night to potty training. They even have a "fix-it" list where moms can post information about good or bad experiences with roofers, pediatricians, massage therapists and more.

"It's amazing how common the experience of motherhood is. I met people that I would never have met under normal circumstances and I immediately had something very significant in common with them," Goddard said. "I hardly missed a meeting until my son was about a year old. When he was younger, I asked a ton of questions and soaked in advice from more experienced moms. By the end of the year I was doling out a lot of my experience to other, newer mothers.

"I've seen mothers come and just cry their eyes out in relief that they'd found a supportive ear, or many, for their problems," she added.

For more information, call Bayfront's lactation services at 893-6854. By the way, there are always several moms in the group who are not breast-feeding.

You can reach Katherine Snow Smith by e-mail at snowsmith@verizon.net or write Rookie Mom, St. Petersburg Times, P.O. Box 1121, St. Petersburg, FL 33731.

[Last modified August 21, 2005, 00:50:20]