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Republican race revives an old song and dance
(Intro: A bouncy, vaudeville piano number.)
By HOWARD TROXLER
Published August 28, 2005
Oh, Mr. Gallagher!
Oh, Mr. Gallagher!
Yes, what's on your mind this morning,
Mr. Crist?
As our attorney gen,
I am the people's friend,
When they need help,
I am the man they see!
Well, Mr. Crist!
Well, Mr. Crist!
I am the C-F-O of this great state
At your an-tics, I don't pout
For I'll never be without -
A press conference, Mr. Gallagher?
Ab-so-lute-ly, Mr. Crist!
Oh, Mr. Gallagher!
(Yes, Mr. Crist?)
Oh, Mr. Gallagher!
(I said, what is it, Mr. Crist?)
Have you noticed high gas prices
at the pump?
The oil folks must be crooks!
And so I'll throw the book!
Can you beat that, Mr. Gallagher?
With my eyes closed, Mr. Crist!
Say, Mr. Crist!
(Yes, my good man?)
Say, Mr. Crist!
(See all my fans?)
Have I mentioned all the babies
that I've kissed?
Three dozen just today, they all smiled
and came my way -
That's nothing, Mr. Gallagher!
You should see my mailing list!
Oh, Mr. Gallagher!
(What is it now?)
Oh, Mr. Gallagher?
(I said, what now?)
Have you noticed all the hotlines
that I've got?
The voters, when they're mad
Can tell me who's been bad
It's good government,
Mr. Gallagher!
Good poll ratings, Mr. Crist!
Pshaw, Mr. Crist!
(What's that you say?)
Pshaw, Mr. Crist!
(Aww, go away!)
You can huff and puff but
you never have a case!
Your threats are rarely real
For the cameras, how you squeal -
Unlike you do, Mr. Gallagher?
Not like you can, Mr. Crist!
Oh, Mr. Gallagher!
(Yes, Mr. Crist?)
Oh, Mr. Gallagher!
(I can hear you, Mr. Crist!)
Now I see that you're at war
with trendy drugs
Aren't you bus-y enough
With important business stuff
Like helping banks and in-sur-ers
Treat customers so rough?
Say, Mr. Crist!
(Who, me?)
Yes, Mr. Crist!
(Who, me?)
Don't you think fam-i-ly values
ought to count?
How you suck up to the Bar,
Evil lawyers near and far -
Say, is that a Bible, Mr. Gallagher?
How would you know, Mr. Crist?
Well, Mr. Gallagher!
Well, Mr. Gallagher!
Are you running to the right
to get more votes?
Your youthful days behind,
you're now a pious kind
You quote the book
But I bet you need crib notes!
Humph, Mr. Crist!
Humph, Mr. Crist!
Won't you run for some-thing else
next year instead?
The Senate is quite nice, that is
my kind advice
Are you switching, Mr. Gallagher?
I think you should, Mr. Crist!
With apologies to the vaudeville act of Edward Gallagher and Al Shean, whose song Mr. Gallagher and Mr. Shean was a hit in the Ziegfeld Follies in 1922. Shean also was an uncle of the Marx Brothers, which somehow seems appropriate.
[Last modified August 28, 2005, 01:11:05]
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Fifty years ago, they were screwed-up kids sent to the Florida School for Boys to be straightened out. But now they are screwed-up men, scarred by the whippings they endured. Read the story and see a video and portrait gallery.
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