Toddler's cancer diagnosis tests parents' faith in God
Dealing with their son's cancer strained the Gerkens' belief, but they now feel empowered and comforted.
By WAVENEY ANN MOORE, Times Staff Writer
Published September 4, 2005
ST. PETERSBURG - In the hours after doctors broke the news that his 16-month-old son was suffering from a brain stem tumor, Eric Gerken admits he experienced a crisis of faith.
"I was angry with God," said Gerken, director of Christian Education at Our Savior Lutheran Church.
Almost a year later, though, Gerken and his wife, Brenda, speak fervently of God's love and will, of Jayson, whom they call their precious, happy boy. They talk also about the tumor that doctors say is inoperable and of the church family that is their local support.
On Sept. 17, the church will raise money to help the St. Petersburg couple with medical and other expenses as Jayson continues a two-year regimen of chemotherapy.
The diagnosis came on Oct. 4, a few months after Jayson's first birthday in June.
"On his first birthday, we took a lot of photographs and in one photograph he appeared to have a lazy eye," Eric Gerken, 31, said.
That observation, followed by visits to a pediatrician and ophthalmologist and eventually an order for an MRI, led to the terrifying diagnosis. A phalanx of doctors broke the news at All Children's Hospital.
"They just took us across the hall from radiology," said Brenda Gerken, 28.
"I was stunned. We knew that something wasn't quite right. He wasn't walking and his sense of balance wasn't good. But never in a million years did we think of a brain tumor. It just felt so surreal.... They indicated that it was very serious and that he would have to undergo a biopsy immediately to find out what exactly was growing in his brain."
That night, before the surgery, she stayed at the hospital with Jayson. At home alone, her husband battled with God.
"That night was my first experience in having a crisis of faith," he recalled.
He questioned the Bible verse, "We know that all things work together for good for those who love God."
"Jayson doesn't deserve this," he thought as he spent the night "very angry at God."
The next day, said Gerken, he felt awkward praying as Jayson underwent the high-risk surgical procedure to allow doctors to retrieve tissue for a biopsy. The surgery was so dangerous that the Gerkens were advised to say goodbye to their son.
Gerken said he turned to retired pastor, the Rev. Erich Heintzen for support.
"We have pretty much placed everything in God's hands. It's also easier to rely on God when the church and the school have been so supportive of us. We see them as a blessing and a gift," he said.
His wife also spoke of their faith.
"I would say that I don't know how a parent would go through something like this without having God in their life," she said.
"I would say, it has been trying. I wish I could say it wasn't. Of course, I say, "Why? Why was it our son?' " she said, her voice breaking.
"But Eric always says to me, "You know what, Brenda, God would not have given us Jayson if he didn't trust us to take care of him.' And he's right. I kind of have to lean on that sometimes."
The former kindergarten teacher at Our Savior Lutheran School gave up her job to take care of her son.
"Her life has changed dramatically," her husband said. "Her schedule is dictated by Jayson's health. She misses the children and her peers, but she's giving Jayson a chance and he's benefiting. She's taught him so much. A really very sick little boy has a secure life because his mom is with him all the time."
"You couldn't ask for a happier kid," his mother said. "He's pretty amazing. Really."
"There are times when the chemotherapy knocks him down," Gerken said. "Those are the times when he just wants to sit in your lap. He loves books. He loves to be read to. He knows his numbers and his letters."
A recent MRI shows that the tumor is stable. Jayson, who began chemotherapy in November, will continue the once-a-month treatments for two years. Radiation will follow.
"The prognosis is pretty good," his mother said.
With their families in other parts of the country, it is comforting to have the people of Our Savior Lutheran, she said.
"We don't have local family. Our church and our school have been our support. They've prayed with us. They've prayed for us," she said.
Dawn McGuire, a church member who is helping to organize the benefit, said the Gerkens are deserving. "They are just giving people," she said. "There's just nothing they wouldn't do for anyone if there is a need."
As for Jayson, "He's just precious," she said. "He's always happy."
IF YOU GO
Walkathon and gourmet bake sale for Jayson Gerken, registration 7:30 a.m. Sept. 17, Our Savior Lutheran Church, 301 58th St. S, St. Petersburg. Two-mile walk along the Pinellas Trail, 8:30 a.m. Registrants with $100 or more in sponsorship get a T-shirt.
