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Rivalry marked more by fizzle than sizzle

By GARY SHELTON
Published September 18, 2005

TAMPA - So what did they win? The Old Oaken Mosquito?

The latest, greatest rivalry in college football history finally made it to the field Saturday night, and I am sure you will agree this was the overwhelming sentiment: Oh.

That's it? That's the game that Central Florida has been squawking about for years? That's the fierce, heated, these-guys-just-don't-like-each other grudge match?

Call it the Bore on I-4. No one returned a kickoff through the marching band. No one accused anyone of hitting late. The goal posts remain intact. Lindsay did not run, Bama did not punt and no one choked at the Doak.

South Florida finally gave UCF a game, and darned if UCF could give one back. The Bulls won 31-14, and it should have been worse. Prospects of a certain stature will receive the DVD extended edition Tuesday.

In the world of rivalries, in other words, Alabama-Auburn is safe.

Oh, people wanted this to be a rivalry. Right up until USF's Andre Hall started weaving through the Knights as if he were running a cone drill, there was hope this would be a next-tier version of Florida-FSU. There is nothing better in college football than a rivalry, and a map of Florida being what it is, this seems like the best hope for both teams.

But a rivalry? On the list of USF opponents, UCF ranks as something less than Louisville, but it's definitely better than Nicholls State.

Here, then, is the lesson UCF has waited years to learn: Be careful what you wish for.

Ah, the poor Knights. For years, their fans pleaded for a game with USF, and in return, the Bulls acted as if they didn't quite know what an "Orlando" was. USF had a better conference, a better stadium, a better future. If it was going to associate with anyone else, it was going to be Miami, FSU or Florida. Everybody else was, well, everybody else.

In hindsight, no, USF wasn't chicken. It was just picky.

Don't get me wrong. If you treat the turnstiles like voting booths, there are a lot of people willing to let this turn into one of those rivalries where the teams and the fans annoy the dickens out of each other.

That's what a real rivalry does. It gives a fan two teams to follow, one to love and one to despise. One to make him hope during recruiting season, another to make him chuckle when grade suspensions come down. Wasn't Shrek more interesting when he had to recruit against Farquaad?

So, yeah, it would be great if this became a grudge. It would be great to see bumper stickers and Web sites and insulting T-shirts. It would be great to have a USF fan walk up to you and say, "Do you know what you say to a UCF fan? You say, "But I asked for pepperoni.' "

If this is going to become one of those, however, it is going to need a lot fertilizer.

That's the thing about real rivalries. They have to have high stakes and long histories. They have to have two teams capable of ruining each other's weekend. They need to inspire passion and humor. Geography helps, but it isn't everything.

Right now, however, the Bulls do not regard UCF as a rival. Not a real one. To be a rival, the other team has to be in your mind all the time. That's how it is with FSU and Florida, with Georgia Tech and Georgia, with Michigan and Ohio State.

"We're not there yet," Hall said. "I think it will be, but right now, they're just another bump in the road."

"In 10 years, it's going to be one of the best rivalries," Terrence Royal said. "If it were up to me, I would definitely play them every year."

For now, this isn't a rivalry. This is two neighbors arguing about litter on the curb. Next week, neither team will care what the other does.

You know what a rivalry is? It's FSU running into some NCAA troubles, and Steve Spurrier gleefully suggesting the school be renamed "Free Shoes University." It's the Choke at the Doak.

It's the Auburn student body breaking spontaneously into a chant of "Punt, Bama, Punt" after two blocked punts ended Alabama's undefeated season. It's former Alabama quarterback Kenny Stabler holding up a pop-top from a beer can and suggesting it was an Auburn class ring.

It's Michigan's Tim Biakabatuka running for 313 yards against Ohio State, and Clemson's Rod Gardner pushing off on a 50-yard catch against South Carolina to set up a victory, and Navy's Roger Staubach turning Army into a highlight film. It's an Oklahoma fan, back in the days when Jack Mildren was running away from Rich Glover, suggesting the "N" on Nebraska's helmet stood for "knowledge."

Saturday night? It was a bunch of guys desperately hoping Hall would slip down. When you think how close this team came to South Carolina, it might be a bigger indictment of Spurrier than those years in Washington. Out of its past 17 games, it is a wonder UCF has only lost 17.

Yeah, yeah. It takes time. FSU begged Florida for years for a game, and when it finally got one, it promptly lost it. After a 41-year break, Auburn lost a 55-0 game to Alabama.

After one game, however, the best you can say is "maybe." And maybe that's enough.

If you look at the Big East, who else is going to be USF's rival? Louisville? West Virginia? Syracuse? There isn't a lot of geography involved there. Not a lot of history either.

If I am USF, I keep this game. I hope it grows into something nasty, something noisy. I hope it grows into the type of game that matters year round.

If not, there is only one place for the Knights to turn.

Florida Atlantic, I hear has some openings on the schedule.

[Last modified September 18, 2005, 02:15:36]