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Learning to say no until marriage

By EBONY WINDOM
Published October 1, 2005

LAND O'LAKES - Some teens gasped. Others giggled as they watched a video on sexually transmitted diseases.

A few of the younger ones were shocked to learn of the dozens and dozens of icky diseases lurking out there. Some with weird names, such as gonorrhea, human papilloma virus and herpes.

But youth leader Gary Hallam says there's one surefire way to prevent all of them: abstinence.

And that's what True Love Waits is all about: encouraging kids to say no to sex until they tie the knot.

Last week, two dozen teens gathered at First United Methodist Church of Land O'Lakes for True Love Waits, the first in a five-week series on abstinence.

"The Bible states that sex is to be within the confinement of marriage," said Hallam, 48, who lives in Land O'Lakes. "Anything outside of that is considered to be a sin."

Lifeway Christian Resources offers a popular abstinence program by the same name. But the one at First United is different. Hallam borrowed the name and created his own version of it. A few years ago, Hallam offered the program at his old church in Indiana.

For years, First United Methodist talked about starting an abstinence education program. But sex is a touchy subject, Hallam says, and "no one wanted to step up and teach it." So Hallam and another youth leader, Christina Craig, volunteered.

"In order to be effective Christians, we have to be pure in every way we can," said Craig, 22, who professes to be a virgin.

"It's been very challenging," says Craig, a senior at the University of South Florida. "It's something my boyfriend and I are constantly having to be in check about."

True Love Waits promotes abstinence only.

It's not a safe-sex course. Don't look for talk about condoms or other birth control options. When the subject arises, "we'll discourage it," Hallam says.

"We won't offer ways to have safe sex by any means," he says. "We're going to give one option, by our standpoint, and that's abstinence."

But teens need options, says Stephanie Grutman who heads the Florida Association of Planned Parenthood Affiliates.

"We encourage abstinence," she said. "But when that doesn't work, we want to make sure teens get medically accurate, age-appropriate information so they can make responsible decisions."

"Most young girls today are more afraid of not being loved than of getting an STD," said Marion Bauer, of the West Pasco Pregnancy Center, a Christian nonprofit group in New Port Richey that offers abstinence education as well as help to pregnant teens. "When you look at the statistics and numbers (of teens with STDs), it's scary. A lot of kids consider oral sex not sex."

The five-week program at First United Methodist Church began last week and includes Christian educational videos, book discussions and guest speakers. One week a nurse will chat more about STDs. Another speaker, Dani Taylor, will fly in from Pennsylvania to share her story. As a teen, she became pregnant, then put her daughter up for adoption. After that, she became a secondary virgin. Taylor remained so until marriage. At one point, abstinence education became her personal crusade.

Taylor will stress abstinence. But for the teens who are already sexually active, it's not too late, she says. They can take a pledge and become born-again virgins until marriage.

"God has a plan for our lives," Hallam said. "If we follow that plan, it'll be the perfect ending."

[Last modified October 1, 2005, 01:45:17]