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For 26 years, Zagat surveys have been inviting diners to comment about restaurants. The company publishes guides in 70 major cities and includes ratings on food, decor, service and cost. People prize the publications for their honesty.
But some reactions are just too rude to include. From dead Italian grandmothers to truck drivers with hemorrhoids, scores of insightful observations never make it to print.
So last week, zagat.com published a list of leftovers: "Outrageous surveyor comments our lawyer made us remove."
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"Thought I heard the sound of a thousand dead Italian grandmothers roll over in their graves when I entered."
"The rodents wear aprons and bus tables on slow nights."
"Ignore the cat's rump parked on the table you're about to be served on."
"Two people at the bar, but you could only count four teeth between them."
"The staff is as pleasant as a truck driver with hemorrhoids."
"Living on borrowed time, like most of its patrons."
"The escargot would have been put to better use in a squash court."
"The food fills you up - if you can keep it down."
"Apples should be cored before they go into the pie."
"Makes hunger an attractive alternative."
"To call the food blech is an insult to blech."
"Underneath the BBQ sauce, expect any number of surprises, from the unrecognizable to the undead."
"Wine, women and thong."
"Ordered the chicken, but whatever it was, it wasn't alive in my lifetime."
"Since when was a view of garbage scows romantic?"
"Waitresses look like they belong on the pro bowler tour."
"Worst trauma I have ever seen to a shrimp - six sad little crustaceans with third-degree burns from the broiler."
"Service was slower than geology."
"Would have taken a chain saw to cut through the squid."
"Never have there been so many to serve so few."
(The name) "must be a Native American word for food poisoning."
"The food tastes better going down than when it comes back up."
"More plastic boobs in the bar area than a Barbie collection."
"Watching over-50 gay bikers sing Barbra Streisand is now off my to-do list."
-- Word for Word is an occasional feature excerpting passages of interest from books, magazines, Web sites and other sources. The text may be edited for space but the original spelling, grammar and punctuation are unchanged.