I recently developed a new pastime I've dubbed "thinking outside the envelope." It's a takeoff on "thinking outside the box," inspired by yet another journey to my well-stuffed mailbox. Lately the stacks of junk mail are bigger than ever. Most of that mail attempts to tell me what's inside by using the outside of the envelope.
Yet all too often, Mr. Outside Message and Mr. Inside Information don't have much in common.
Some examples:
Outside the envelope: Last Chance - dated material enclosed
Inside the envelope: Three credit card checks personalized with my name and address, to help me run up my credit card tab, with a minimum fee of $15 for each check I use.
Outside: Warranty Information Enclosed
Inside: A pitch for expanded warranty service on a car I traded in more than a year ago. In fine print: This is not a notice from the manufacturer of my long-gone automobile.
Outside: Proposed change in your AUTO INSURANCE PREMIUMS!
Inside: An insurance company wants me to switch out my current automobile insurance for their cheaper policies.
Outside: IMPORTANT TAX INFORMATION ENCLOSED
Inside: A multipage letter seeking to sell me wonderful secrets to minimize my taxes.
Outside: Important changes to your account enclosed. Open immediately!
Inside: Two new department store credit cards ready for my signature and activation.
Outside: URGENT: OPEN IMMEDIATELY
Inside: A business reply postcard offering me a free in-home water test, which the company calls an important quality control inspection. The card notes the Environmental Protection Agency recommends that everyone should have their water tested on a regular basis.
Outside: Important documents enclosed
Inside: Finally, a bit of honesty in envelope copy! This envelope, from a home supply store, contains my monthly statement, complete with a return envelope so I can pay the bill.
Jim Lyman is a freelance writer who lives in Cheval.
