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Special coverage: Medicare

A fable for seniors

By FRANK KAISER
Published October 30, 2005

Long ago, the "Land of Except" enjoyed great beauty and riches. It was an exceptional place, and from that fact it took its name.

Over time the citizens of Except, known as "Exceptions" (because they were all above average), became unquestioning and complacent.

It came as a surprise when the king of Except called for affordable medicine for senior citizens. Bells rang, and there was much jubilation. Never again would seniors have to choose between paying rent and taking the medicine prescribed to keep them alive and well.

"Of course," said the king, "We must create change to make this medical fairy tale come true."

And he so proclaimed: " "Medicare becomes Medican't' because Medicare is single-choice socialized medicine," explained the king, "whereas the new Part D (for Delightful) offers the choice of a million cornucopias."

Though most danced in the streets, others, more cautious, whispered, "Don't forget The Rule." Indeed, upon the highest point of the highest monument The Rule was written:

The king's second proclamation added details: Part D (for Discombobulating) means $250 plus an average $32 a month, minus 75 percent, divided by $2,850 (doughnut hole) plus a $3,600 deduction, minus a 13.2 percent jump on top of last year's 17.4 percent, equals bliss.

So it came to pass that the cornucopias inundated every senior in the land with letters, pamphlets, brochures, TV ads and e-mails.

Several seniors suffocated, but because all cornucopias promised something for nothing, survived. Exceptions, though puzzled, trusted their king and enrolled.

"We have plenty of cornucopias," exclaimed an Exception named Joe. "But any other choice is that of the cornucopias."

"Huh?" said the others.

"The cornucopias" explained Joe, "can drop the medicines you use, or raise prices, and make you use only their doctors and their hospitals.

"But can you quickly change cornucopias?" others asked.

"I don't think so," Joe said.

"Oh dear!" exclaimed the others. After all, they reasoned, Part D (for Damned Expensive) was expected to cost the government $720- to $900-billion over the next 10 years.

It must be good.

To which Joe yelled, "That government is us!" as he was dragged away for not joining a cornucopia in time.

And it came to pass that those healthy seniors ended up paying far more for their health care than before Part D (for Double-Cross).

The medicine makers became richer. According to Boston University's School of Public Health, fully 61 percent, or a half-trillion dollars of Part D (for Duplicitous) went to windfall profits for drug makers.

Then stuff happened. Natural disasters, wars, pork and tax cuts, until the treasury was dry. It could no longer pay the cornucopias and they closed, pushing seniors into the cold. With Medicare proclaimed Medican't, there was nowhere to go. Wailing and gnashing of teeth were heard throughout the land.

Moral: Even when you are exceptional, always listen to the Exception that proves The Rule.

If your income is greater than $14,355 ($19,245 for couples) and you are not eligible for additional assistance, think long and hard about joining Part D (for Deception).

Insist on a new bill that allows Medicare to negotiate with drug companies in a free market. Insist on open-market freedom to buy your drugs in Canada or elsewhere.

Insist on a bill that's for seniors, not for the drug and insurance industries.

If enough of us refuse to join, the law must be changed. And Congress will learn that even IT is answerable to THE RULE.

Frank Kaiser is a nationally syndicated columnist who lives in Clearwater. His Web site, www.suddenlysenior.com includes nostalgia, trivia, senior humor and 111 Best Senior Links. Write Frank c/o Seniority, the St. Petersburg Times, P.O. Box 1121, St. Petersburg, FL 33731, or e-mail features@sptimes.com

[Last modified October 28, 2005, 14:23:31]