Commentary

Sideshow: From ice rink to opera: It's Nancy and Tonya

By SHARON FINK
Published November 6, 2005

Figure skating has always seemed like opera on ice - that's reason No. 5 it's not taken seriously as a sport - so it seems natural, even overdue, that an opera has been written about the Nancy Kerrigan- Tonya Harding knee-whacking wackiness.

"Tonya and Nancy was the first completely insane scandal that took over the country," said Elizabeth Searle, who wrote the text for Nancy and Tonya: The Opera.

The reality was a classic story of envy, greed, stupidity, lust for fame and a good catchphrase.

It started at the 1994 U.S. Championships, which served as the Olympic trials.

A man clubbed Kerrigan on one knee with a baton after a practice, and cameras rolled as Kerrigan grabbed the knee and wailed, "Why meeeeeeee? Why meeeeeeee?"

In the ensuing weeks, Harding's ex-husband and three others were arrested; Harding said she knew about the plan; the ex said, "Know?! Holy tire irons, she okayed it!"; both skaters ended up on the Olympic team; and the Games became all about them.

Searle told the Associated Press that she wrote the opera using quotes from the skaters and others that she got from newspapers, FBI transcripts and her novella on the subject, Celebrities in Disgrace.

It is scheduled to be performed next year in Boston.

"Girls in America are either raised to be Tonyas or Nancys," she said. "I think any girl can relate to these two women and what they went through."

THE SKIMPIER HER CLOTHES GET, THE CLOSER WE GET TO THE AWFUL TRUTH: Eva Longoria has announced her candidacy for an embarrassing, painful tattoo removal.

The Desperate Housewife says she has the initials of her boyfriend, San Antonio Spur Tony Parker (full name William Anthony Parker), tattooed someplace only he gets to see.

"I'm not saying where it is," Longoria said in a story at ananova.com, then elaborated enough to bring to mind another set of initials: TMI.

THROWBACK REF OUTFITS, ANYONE?: This is what the throwback-jersey fashion statement has come to: throwback stadium-usher blazers.

Mitchell & Ness, the jerseys' licensed producer, next month debuts such a line with the one worn by Yankee Stadium ushers in the early 1960s; it will have the Yankee logo over the left breast.

Mitchell & Ness (www.mitchellandness.com) is considering doing blazers with other team logos, public relations director Erin Ritter told the New York Times: "We have to keep ahead of the trend."

THOSE SPEEDING TICKETS DON'T HAVE TO BE IN VAIN: It's said that one of the big appeals of NASCAR is that everyone thinks he can do it (and some even try every time they get in a car).

Here's your chance to prove it legally - and by endangering only your life and the lives of 14 other willing crash-test dummies:

A Boca Raton company plans a reality TV show in which contestants compete for a contract with a NASCAR team. Each person will get a custom-built car, a professional pit crew and, according to a news release, "the necessary driving instructions, media handling and deportment lessons to groom them for the life, career, fame and activities of a NASCAR driver."

For tryout and other details, go to www.realityracingtv.com

Sharon Fink can be reached at 727 893-8525 or fink@sptimes.com

[Last modified November 6, 2005, 01:59:22]