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A day in the life of Homer

By PHILIP GAILEY
Published November 20, 2005

HOMER, Ga. - In between meals and snacks at Aunt Thelma's house, I nibble (not literally) on the local weekly newspaper, the Banks County Journal. She had saved nearly every issue of the paper since my last visit, about six months ago, and after all the trouble she had gone to, I felt obliged to spend several hours perusing the papers. There was the usual news about local government, hikes in property taxes, school sports, the comings and goings of local folks and, of course, obituaries.

My favorite reading, however, was the "Incidents Report" found on the page where local crimes are reported. Not all incidents are a crime, but people report them to the sheriff anyway. For example: "A driver drove over the remains of a deer on Hwy. 15 and reported his vehicle is now not driving correctly."

Most of the serious crime around here involves drug arrests, theft, domestic violence and an occasional robbery or murder. I was surprised by the number of incidents where motorists filled their gas tanks and sped off without paying. And one reported theft left me trying to figure out how the deed was done: - "theft of $250 in quarters from a change machine at Bic Car Wash using a $10 bill with fishing line taped to it."

I wonder if a $5 bill would work?

The "Incidents Report" will never figure into FBI crime statistics, but it provides a richer picture of everyday life here, from cussing cars to baiting skunks, than anything else you will read in the paper.

These two incidents caught my eye:

"Irate customer at Boots, Etc."

"There was manure scattered over the floor of Boots, Etc. when store's owner arrived to open her store at 8:45 on March 28. No items were reported missing."

Do you suppose the first incident had anything to do with the second? I guess anyone who bought a pair of ill-fitting boots would snap at some point.

I'm not sure why anyone would call the sheriff to report a skunk in the house, as if the sheriff didn't have more important things to worry about, but someone did.

"Skunk in house of a Historic Homer Highway residence. Report said skunk was under love seat and did not appear to want to come out. Family at residence decided to leave home with doors open and try to bait skunk out of home with hot dogs. Subjects' friend volunteered to watch residence and lock it if skunk vacated."

No word on whether the skunk took the hot-dog bait or held out for something more substantial.

Here is a sample of some other "incidents" people reported to the sheriff's office:

"A Maysville man said his wife left in a car which had all of his work tools in it. The man said he and his wife are in the process of a possible divorce."

"Harassment at a Rattle Trap Road address concerning neighbor riding by on a four-wheeler."

"A Homer resident said dogs came into his yard and "got after' his chickens."

"Someone "laying drags and cutting donuts' next to grave sites on West County Line Road."

"A Commerce man said a cat got into his mother's car in the Wal-Mart parking lot and when he attempted to get him out, the cat bit him."

"A Clarksville woman fell in the parking lot of the Pottery Factory Outlet trying to jump over an area of wet concrete."

"Suspicious phone calls reported at a Dodge Hill Road, Homer, residence. A man said someone called saying there was a package to deliver."

It's obvious that there is a very low tolerance for cussing in public around here. I think it offends church-going people. I came across several cussing incidents, but this is my favorite: "disorderly conduct at The Pottery. A Pottery employee loudly cursed his broken-down car."

I take the side of the fellow who gave his car a good cussing, something I've wanted to do a few times over the years. There was no suggestion that he kicked the car or otherwise assaulted it with the intention of doing damage. Cussing is a constitutional right, even if some people consider it a sin, and I hope the American Civil Liberties Union hears about this case and intervenes on the side of the cusser.

And while it's at it, maybe the ACLU might start nosing around to make sure a copy of the Ten Commandments is not on public display. Now that kind of meddling would be enough to make a preacher cuss.

Philip Gailey's e-mail address is gailey@sptimes.com

[Last modified November 18, 2005, 22:41:02]