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International moguls need my help! And bank info, too

By SANDRA THOMPSON
Published November 26, 2005

This month I've made more than $35-million. That doesn't count the undisclosed percentage of 40.5-million Euros I'll get after Mr. Peter Tung Po of the Union Bank of Hong Kong sends me my cut of the deal he proposed to me last week via e-mail.

Mr. Tung Po is in a real pickle, and he needs me to help him out. His client, Mr. Irvin Poot, left 40.5-million euros in his bank account. When he did not reply to bank requests, "The Bank officially sent two-man delegate to his residence in Malaysia were he reside only to find out that the business mogul and his family perished in the Tsunami disaster."

And guess what? Mr. Tung Po wants me to stand in as next of kin so we can transfer the 40.5-million out of the country. Otherwise it will be taken by the Hong Kong government!

This is just one of the lucrative offers I've received via e-mail in the past month.

I've won the international lottery six times - up to $2.5-million, but curiously every e-mail has ordered me not to tell anyone. One lottery explains that secrecy "is part of our security protocol to avoid double-claiming or unscrupulous acts by participants of the program."

It's the only lottery that tells me right up front there will be a cost: "Please note you will be required to pay for the issuance of your legal back up legalization/notarization document and also your award winning certificate."

How's that for disclosure?

But those lottery payouts are peanuts compared to the business deals.

In addition to Mr. Tung Po's offer, several other international deals have fallen my way - with no more effort on my part than reading my e-mail.

Mr. Benny Williams, director of Mauritius Commercial Bank Ltd., is stuck with $10-million left by an "American oil consultant contractor with Mauritius Mining Corp." who died in an automobile accident. No will, and no next of kin. That's where I come in. As his foreign partner, I can help grab the money "so that the fruits of this old man's labour will not get into the hands of some corrupt government officials."

This is a "risk free deal;" I just have to send all my personal information, including "bank details."

Not too much to ask, is it, for a 30 percent cut?

But, frankly, my plate is getting pretty full.

I've also been approached by Michael Onah, son of Mr. Gabriel Onah Uwaise - a "victim of the local plane clash which claimed all the people on board the same day the first lady of Nigeria government (wife of the president) died in Spain."

Mr. Onah Sr. left a $10-million "deposit in disguise as a fund for the purchase of machinery with my name as the next of kin as the first son."

Naturally, Mr. O. Jr. doesn't want the cash to be taken by the government - or by his stepmother or half brother!

If I help him out, I'll get 20 percent and "maybe 10 percent" for expenses.

I'm gonna hold out for a definite on that 10 percent.

If I don't get it, I'll just go into business with Dr. Daniel Ibe, Federal Ministry of Petroleum and Mineral Resources, Federal Republic of Nigeria. He sent me a pretty long e-mail, and I'm not exactly sure what his problem is, mainly because I don't know what the word "parastatals" means. But who cares when he offers 20 percent of $25.5-million?

And Larisa Sosnitskaya, who represents "Mr. Mikhail Khordokovsky, former CEO of Yukos Oil Co. in Russia," proposes 20 percent of $46-million.

"I feel quite safe dealing with you," she writes, "having gone through your remarkable profile on the internet."

Quite so, but who is she, anyway?

I mean, I can do business with someone we've all heard of.

"Dr. Kofi Anna's, (sic) secretary-general of the United Nations," top aide needs me to help him "reprofile" $250-million in funds "generated by us during the oil-for-food program in Iraq."

He has to be careful because "We have been getting scandals/controversy in this regards, you can read more on the links below."

I didn't bother; I'm sure he's legit.

And I'm getting 5 percent.

--Sandra Thompson, a Tampa writer, can be reached at sandrathompson1@mac.com City Life appears on Saturday.

[Last modified November 26, 2005, 02:30:29]