IT!

Hey, teen experts: You don't know it all

Adults, especially professional ones, seem to think they have all the answers to every question in teenagers' lives. I think they aren't always right. I'm not sure where they get their information, but when I read what they have to say about who we are and why we act the way we do, I often find myself laughing at their apparent ignorance.

I am interested in the topics they want to discuss until I read their findings. Some adults I've spoken with have a skewed view of normal. I think I am a fairly normal teenager, if there is such a thing as normal, but my life is full of stress.

Let me give you some insight into my life. I live primarily with one parent, but I see my other parent often. I am the middle child of three children in our family. I do okay in school and I have a job; I often work 25 hours a week. My parents both work to pay the family bills. I am working to pay for my car insurance and some of the things I want that my parents don't think are necessities, like clothes from AE and Hollister, weekend spending money and stuff for my car.

I am also active in a sport that takes up the rest of my free time. I have never been in trouble with the law, except for a speeding ticket. The relationship I am presently in is not very serious, but we have been seeing each other now for about six months. I also try to make time for my friends because they are important to me.

My parents prefer I go to church, so I attend when I don't have to work or I am not sleeping (because I came in late the night before). I am not looking for sympathy as I write this. I am just trying to describe my life so I can explain what really stresses me out.

Why am I so stressed? Sometimes, my parents put me in the middle when they are unable to solve their problems. I am over their childish issues; I will be grateful when I can move away from their chaos. I know money is an issue for our family, but I wish they would please stop bringing it up.

I know my grades could be better; I wish others would encourage me, not berate me about my school performance. I am stressed when my parents get upset with me because I am not the person they think I should be to make them proud. I'm doing my best to buy the things that will help me fit in with my friends. I wish my parents wouldn't get angry with me when they think I don't take care of those things.

Sports stress me out when both my coach and my boss think my commitment to each of them should be my top priority. Relationships, both the person I am dating and my friends, stress me out. Everybody seems to have an opinion about others: Often those opinions conflict but they all have an impact on my life.

Then there's church. I believe in God and all, so why not just let me decide without the guilt trip about what I will do on Sunday mornings? Then there are the times I have to remind my parents that I'm not the one with children. Sometimes I am asked to watch my younger sibling and that's okay, as long as I am asked, not told that I have to do so.

I haven't even touched upon the things all those professionals think I want to talk about all the time - like the internal conflicts I have about my self-worth, the question of whether I will make it in the world or how will I ever pay for college - and on and on.

- IT! Private thoughts of the Indomitable Teen is written by Cecilia Tucker under the editorial guidance of a panel of teenagers (in exchange for pizza and volunteer hours). Tucker is a licensed marriage and family therapist at the Counseling Center for New Direction in Seminole. Comments are welcome. You may write c/o: IT!, Xpress, the St. Petersburg Times, P.O. Box 1121, St. Petersburg, FL 33731, or e-mail Floridian@sptimes.com If you are interested in being on the teen editorial panel, please contact Cecilia Tucker at revcecilia@msn.com

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