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In her words, strength; in her heart, a sense of hope
With the death of their daughter, a Brooksville couple try to find peace during the holidays. Comfort comes from her writing and the community.
By BETH N. GRAY
Published December 20, 2005
BROOKSVILLE - When the nurse in March uttered the word "aplastic," 12-year-old Amara Hatton knew it meant she had cancer and suspected the eventual outcome.
Nonetheless, strong-willed and determined, Amara battled the disease, medications and therapies that doctors, nurses and medical technicians thrust at her for more than eight months. She was in and out of All Children's Hospital in St. Petersburg and All Children's Specialty Clinic of Tampa.
Dec. 2, the only daughter of Tami and Al Hatton died of lymphoblastic lymphoma after a tumor that started in her chest spread to her lymph glands.
The precocious, straight-A student at West Hernando Middle School had been accepted to, but never got the chance to attend, Challenger K-8 School of Science and Mathematics. She was a budding author who wrote and illustrated her first book at age 7.
Among the books she wrote were The Day I Got A Puppy , Poems and The Dog Who Played Soccer , each penciled between white hardcovers.
Her last work, untitled, bears foreboding black covers. It reads in part:
You know something. This journal was a gift from God. I have had so many questions to ask but never got good answers.
What is it like to be rich?
Why doesn't God help the many people who are poor?
Does He give us diseases to teach us something important?
When we wish for something, why do we sometimes get the opposite?
Why do we have fears?
Why do we have wars?
How come people choose the wrong choices?
My most important question is this: Why did I get cancer?
Amara might not have realized it, but she was coping with life and impending death through her written words.
Tom Beason, director of spiritual care for Hernando-Pasco Hospice, said he gives people "an opportunity to talk their way through" grief.
Amara wrote her way through it.
It has been a sorrowful holiday season in the Hatton household.
"The holidays, we really just aren't doing," Tami Hatton said.
Beason said what the Hattons are going through is not unusual.
"We understand that holidays can be difficult emotionally for people who are experiencing grief," he said. "They're being more challenged by the season than what they expected."
Compassionate Friends of Hernando County, which serves families that have lost children, had a candlelighting ceremony to mark Christmas. It aimed to inspire strength and hope, said leader Diane Snider of Brooksville.
"The holidays are absolutely almost impossible to deal with (for families who have lost children)," Snider said. "It's anticipating the holiday. When the day comes, somehow you manage, (even though) that special person is not going to be there. And after the holidays, you don't know how you did. We just learn how to keep moving on."
Amara's parents are unsure of how they will move on. They may have to file for bankruptcy. The costs of driving daily to Tampa, staying over some nights in motels and paying uncovered medical bills have taxed them.
Amara didn't want fundraisers, Tami Hatton said, explaining that her daughter wasn't a follower.
But co-workers of Al Hatton, a fleet maintenance employee in the Hernando County Utilities Department, sponsored a pancake breakfast and bake sale for the family. Department of Public Works employees also helped with the event. In addition, county employees donated their vacation days so Al Hatton could be with his daughter in the hospital.
"Somebody would always donate so he could continue to get a paycheck," said Diane Kafrissen of the Utilities Department.
Said Amy Todd, benefits technician in the county's Human Resources Department: "We just took donations, and some went to the family and some went to the funeral home. Our staff has been wonderful. We're still collecting donations."
Family friends Lori Ferrugia and Jackie Ambrose not only found blood cell donors but drove them to Tampa for the procedure. Ferrugia, seeing how families in health crises need caregivers - drivers, babysitters, food providers - is doing research to establish a local foundation to provide such support.
Tami Hatton said the county paid for Amara's funeral and cremation.
The Hattons are trying to make sense and peace of their daughter's miracle life - Tami Hatton took fertility drugs for five years before the child was conceived - and the travails that included chemotherapy, dialysis, blindness, staph and fungus infections, blood pressure nearly off the charts and 20 pills a day for a little girl who didn't like to take one.
Ultimately, there was intubation - a tube to allow her to breathe.
"That wasn't any way to live," Tami Hatton said. "She only wanted to be 7 years old (again) and running around and playing.
"My husband and I laid down with her, and she died."
Challenger K-8 School will lay a brick inscribed with Amara's name in a pavilion in the spring, principal Sue Stoops said. West Hernando Middle School will plant a tree in her memory.
Meanwhile, the Hattons are receiving grief counseling from Hernando-Pasco Hospice.
And Tami Hatton is following in her daughter's footsteps, writing a journal of the family's experiences to give to Amara's grandparents, Gordon and Jane Adamczeski of Brookridge, and close friends. Included will be Amara's penning of The Mr. Smiley Freckles Song :
Mr. Smiley Freckles is one cool guy
He won't let you down
And he won't make you cry
All he wants to do is make you smile
Even if it's just for a little while
When you're feeling blue, don't worry
Just be You and
Mr. Smiley will be there through and through
He hates when you worry about things
That don't make sense,
Like cancer can make you real tense.
He takes away bad things and
Helps you through hard times.
It's Mr. Smiley Freckles
Yeah!
When Amara posed her unanswered questions in August, she followed up in her journal:
I understand not all these questions can be answered. At least by human beings, but by God and with him we can find out. One thing I found out was when you have faith you can get cured or be led in the right direction. Look at all the people who helped save thousands other than themselves. For example, Harriet Tubman freeing the slaves, Albert Einstein finding a formula he couldn't answer but giving someone else the chance.
My personal favorite hero was Madame Curie. Finding chemo was a mighty gift for me and all who go through with cancer too.
I know they could have done it without god but having faith in him made it worthwhile.
Amara Rose Hatton, Aug. 9, 1993 to Dec. 2, 2005.
--Beth Gray can be reached at graybethn@earthlink.net
[Last modified December 20, 2005, 01:50:22]
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