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Weighing out

The beckoning scale of justice may no longer be reported in this space, but there's still a lifetime to step up to better health.

By JOHN C. COTEY
Published December 27, 2005

	[Times photo: Stefanie Boyar]
	John Cotey celebrates losing 33 pounds by tearing up the "before" photo that was taken at the start of his weight-loss adventure.
	[Times photo: Kathleen Flynn]
	Before Cotey started his endeavor, he weighed 250 pounds. His doctor had warned him of the troubles he could face if he didn't shape up.

ABOUT THIS STORY: John C. Cotey began Weighing In, a column about his effort to lose weight, on July 1. He weighed 250 pounds. Six months later, his column has come to an end, but his Web log, the Skinny, will continue.

WEIGHING IN: 217

Well, it's time to say goodbye, but not really.

Time to move on, but more like forward.

Time to take the training wheels off, most definitely.

As my six-month project comes to a close, I find myself crawling across the finish line, underneath the tape, as opposed to breaking through the tape, shirtless, well-oiled, in a bright red Speedo.

Now, I know that imagery doesn't go well with, say, breakfast. For that, I am truly sorry.

Do you get my point, though?

I'm 33 pounds lighter, and yet that finish line is nagging at me.

Did I succeed or fail, or am I somewhere in between?

Yes, I failed to reach a magic number I wish I hadn't established for myself: 210. I lost virtually nothing the last two months. I grew utterly frustrated with my inability to establish a regular eating and exercise routine, and some days just quit.

I tired of writing about myself, about the same old story: Lost a few, gained a few, I'll try to do better. I tired of obsessing about my next column, my next blog posting, and whether it would be funny to write about eating oatmeal for the 100th time.

(It wasn't, by the way, but by golly that's what I ate for breakfast for six straight months and what I will continue eating for breakfast.)

I let some of my critics get the best of me, even though they were grossly outnumbered by the supporters.

I bought in to the whole deadline nature of the project, and when it became apparent that I wasn't going to hit 210, or I merely decided I wasn't going to make it, I treaded water, praying for the end and the return of my anonymity.

Losing weight, changing bad eating habits and exercising are all hard enough without having to explain it to a few hundred thousand people in the newspaper and on my blog.

While it takes some effort for me to see this as a rousing success, I must remember I lost 33 pounds. That should be enough.

But it isn't. I know it could have been more. With more effort. More commitment. More willpower.

Had I not done this project, had I proceeded on my own, I would be tickled with weighing 217. I know I would be a lot happier than I am.

But 217 is not 210.

So I didn't win the war. That's still ongoing. Probably never ends, I'm guessing.

I did win quite a few battles, though.

I look better. I feel better. I've exercised more in the last six months than I did in the previous six years. Maybe 10 years.

People have noticed. My wife has noticed. My family is impressed.

I don't have to suck in my stomach all the time. I fill up a lot more quickly. I now think before putting anything into my mouth. I haven't cut sugar out completely (can you say addiction?) but I've been pretty close.

I wear a belt now, which sure beats walking around with my shirt untucked and my pants unbuttoned.

I definitely have more energy. Not enough to get up at 5 a.m. to go to the gym, but plenty for a game of Sassa or Plookypoo (I'm not sure what either of those mean, but it involves my son, Jonathon, running after me and throwing plastic balls at me, thus making me fall and collapse in mock pain) or 16-42 (those are the signals Jonathon barks out when playing quarterback, before I rush in to tackle him).

I still can't stand myself for my weaknesses - sweets - but I can't remember the last time I hit a drive-through to get anything other than a salad.

I hate that my bad days still start with a way-too-late dinner, but for a change I am a rock from morning through lunch.

Changes have been made. More are to come.

I would be remiss without thanking my loyal blog readers (e-journeys, M, Betsy, cwt, Scooter, Rock On, Ray, Len Parker, In the Same Struggle) for their help and support. Some did it with praise, others by reminding me to stop being such a baby and to suck it up. They were all a great help. It's only fitting then that I steal one of their brilliant postings, which eerily enough could have been written by me (or you, and you know who you are):

"Been reading your column since you started, as I began my own mission on June 1. I lost and then stalled, lost then stalled. I have lived much of my life like you - up and down on the weight thing. June was sort of the beginning of what I have come to realize is a journey with no end. So despite all my setbacks and hours on the treadmill, I am down more than I have been in years. I had about 50 lbs to lose when I started, I still have about 25 to go. I get frustrated. A lot. Things like skipping the gym or eating too much over the weekend annoy me and then make it easy to slip up. But I met with a doctor recently, who told me to stop focusing on the end goal, and instead focus on little goals. Like getting to the gym more than twice a week, even if it is just three times a week. Or to cut back my portions when I am with my family this weekend. All easier said than done, I know. But I figured if I could just start doing smaller things like that, then maybe I wouldn't feel as crappy when I do slip up. So even if you don't make the 210, I still think you have done well. And I will still read your blog regardless. And P.S. - If I don't lose anything over the holiday I am fine with that, but my mini-goal is not to gain anything between now and 2006 AND not to deprive myself either ;) Good luck."

Well said. On my fridge you go.

The anonymous posting is a reminder that this is not the end, but the beginning.

Strangely, I feel more determined today than I did six months ago.

Six months? Heck, that's easy.

The rest of my life? Well, not so much.

But after changing the way I live, the way I eat, the way I think, I know this much:

I'm ready.

[Last modified December 26, 2005, 12:57:11]