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The Navigator: Funny band bared, 10 vows dared

By RICK GERSHMAN
Published December 30, 2005

There isn't a single joke about Barenaked Ladies that hasn't already been used a million times, so I won't steal one now.

Not that I'm above such things, mind you, but in this 21st-century Google-driven world, it's become so hard to plagiarize discreetly.

Just ask my high school alma mater's principal, who copied her 2005 commencement speech, unattributed and nearly verbatim, from the source of that Everybody's Free (to Wear Sunscreen) song.

(True story, sad to say, from Springstead High in Hernando County. Go Eagles.)

So suffice it to say the quirky pop-rock band Barenaked Ladies returns Saturday to downtown Tampa's St. Pete Times Forum for the venue's big New Year's Eve party.

Doors open at 8:30 p.m., and the band goes on at 10. Tickets run from $25 to $60. There's also an all-inclusive party package (tossing in buffets and booze) that runs $150. Go to ticketmaster.com or call 287-8844 for more information.

Unfamiliar with the Ladies? You've at least heard the group's massive 1998 hit One Week and maybe also Pinch Me and If I Had $1,000,000. The band also has a huge cult following due to its crafty, often bittersweet lyrics.

But it's also a funny bunch, which should ensure a good time had by all. And the Ladies are Canadian dudes who should feel right at home in a hockey arena.

Meanwhile, this marks the last Navigator column for 2005, and, wow, does time fly. It seems like it's only been a month since the column premiered.

Which reminds me - every new year needs resolutions, and here are mine for 2006. (And check out my co-workers' resolutions on Page XX.)

10. Stop smoking. And drinking. And gambling. And playing video games. And staying up all night. And overeating. And procrastinating. And stealing change out of my co-workers' desks for a Diet Mountain Dew fix.

9. Oh, wait. I don't smoke. Then I guess I should just blow off Resolution No. 10 entirely. (Whew, that was close.)

8. No more pork fried chocolate cheese fondue. For breakfast.

7. Stop ripping off jokes from previous columns.

6. Stop trying to work "Buttermilk Bottom" into the title of my memoirs. (Since a local judge beat me to it.)

5. Stop naming Ayn Rand as my main writing inspiration. At least until I read something by Ayn Rand.

4. Arrive at the office everyday at 8 a.m. sharp.

3. No more Jack Daniel's. For breakfast.

2. Leave the office everyday at 9 a.m. sharp.

1. Stop padding columns with Top 10 lists.

Happy new year.

Rick Gershman can be reached at rgershman@sptimes.com or 813 226-3431. His blog is at sptimes.com/blogs/tampaarts/

[Last modified December 30, 2005, 17:37:04]