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The Bizarre, crazy, wacky year gone

It's not boring when a "cramp" is born and a guy in a pig mask and a pink thong streaks at a high school soccer game. Read on for more strangeness.

By Times Staff
Published January 2, 2006

The year 2005 featured the usual assortment of Citrus County girls and boys gone wild, many of whom got to spend time behind bars rethinking their episodes of irrational exuberance. Elected officials sometimes joined in the fun, having their own periods of inappropriate spontaneity.

Here is a review of the year just past, with a focus on the bizarre items that made the news. Each of them could have been headlined: It seemed like a good idea at the time.

January

I WENT TO A BAR AND A COUNTRY SONG CAME TO LIFE: Police say that Rebecca Banks took offense when a guitar player at an Inverness bar refused to buy her a beer. She punched a customer, then hurled pool balls, and her false teeth, at the musician. A customer picked the teeth of the floor and put them on a pool table, and employees think the dentures somehow got lodged inside the pool table.

TAKING HER SHOW ON THE ROAD: Rebecca Banks continued her rampage at the county jail, where authorities say she threw a plastic shower shoe and hit a fire sprinkler head, setting it off, before punching a corrections officer in the eye.

COULD BE WORSE, YOU COULD BE REBECCA BANKS' CELLMATE: Inmate William McMurray loses his appeal of a ruling by Circuit Judge Ric Howard that he pay $50 a day to cover the cost of his incarceration at state prison.

THE CRAMP WILL ONE DAY NEED SHOES AND A COLLEGE EDUCATION: Michelle Nance, 25, is surprised to learn while sitting in the Seven Rivers Regional Medical Center emergency room that she is not only pregnant but about to deliver. She thought her pains were just muscle cramps.

GIVING NEW MEANING TO CASH ON THE GO: Deputies are looking for a man they say used a front-end loader to try to yank an ATM from the GTE Credit Union on U.S. 19.

SPECIAL FIELD TRIPS FOR THE SEX-ED CLASS: Tammy Lee Huggins, a teacher's aide at Citrus High School, is accused of having sex with two teenage boys at various spots in the county.

COMING TO CSI: DUSTING JELL-O FOR FINGERPRINTS: Tina Louise Stonerock is accused of stealing a 71-year-old woman's purse after police match her fingerprints on Jell-O packets and a box of mashed potatoes.

THE CLOGGERS THEN DEMANDED EQUAL TIME: After the principal of Citrus High School bans so-called freak dancing, or grinding, at the school's prom, a group of students decide to organize an alternative prom.

February

YOU SURE THIS IS HOW SPIELBERG GOT STARTED?: A 25-year-old Ocala man is accused of using a video camera to photograph up the skirts of women customers at an Inverness department store.

CALLING ALL MORONS, CALLING ALL MORONS: Three Crystal River High School students find a school radio during gym class and use it to sing and make inappropriate comments to a police dispatcher, who traces the transmission, leading to the boys' arrests.

THE FIRST 150 CATS ARE OKAY, BUT AFTER THAT . . . : County staffers ruffle some feathers when they propose limits to the number of pets residents can own after a case involving 170 animals in a Homosassa home.

March

DID I MENTION THE NUKE IN THE ATTIC?: All Charles Sipp wanted to do was give away a souvenir he brought back from his overseas service during WWII. But when the 84-year-old man told deputies he had an explosive device in his car, they shut down the Beverly Hills Plaza for more than an hour.

A STUNNING MONUMENT TO SELF-INDULGENCE: County officials are helpless to aid people in an Inverness neighborhood when they complain about a resident who built a 25-foot-tall garage to house his antique cars. County rules do not specifically prohibit such ugly structures.

YOUR HOMELAND SECURITY DOLLARS HARD AT WORK: Three men hired by a private contractor to work at the Progress Energy plant in Crystal River, adjacent to the nuclear reactor, are found to have used phony Social Security numbers to gain clearance.

THE VERY DEFINITION OF A MERCY KILLING: Frustrated by more than a decade of turmoil at City Hall, a group of Crystal River residents begin a drive to dissolve the city.

BUT THIS ISN'T IN THE SCRIPT: The annual Nature Coast Civil War Re-enactment gets a little too realistic as embers from a campfire blow onto some tents and destroy costumes and equipment before firefighters and re-enactors can contain the flames.

WHEN BULLDOZERS ARE OUTLAWED, ONLY OUTLAWS WILL HAVE BULLDOZERS: A man tries to commandeer a piece of heavy equipment from a sand pit to demolish nearby homes because he says there are bodies buried under them. When he can't start the engine, he throws rocks at the houses until police arrive.

April

ANOTHER SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE: More than 40 people apply to be the next city manager of Crystal River, which has gone through nine managers since 1990.

THIS YEAR'S YEARBOOK WILL COME IN A PLAIN BROWN WRAPPER: Three students at the Academy of Environmental Science face suspensions after being caught taking sexually explicit photos of fellow students on the way home from a field trip.

IF AN ARROGANT, ILL-INFORMED BLOWHARD CRITICIZES YOU, YOU MUST BE DOING SOMETHING RIGHT : Fox News Channel bloviator Bill O'Reilly repeatedly hammers on State Attorney Brad King for a decision not to press charges against accused killer John Couey's housemates.

SEE ABOVE: U.S. Rep. Ginny Brown-Waite goes on O'Reilly's TV show to join in the assault on King's reputation.

AND THEIR TEAM UNIFORMS ARE UGLY TOO: School Board chairwoman Pat Deutschman decries the condition of several district schools, calling them, "junky, dismal and a big mish-mosh."

May

COMING SOON TO AN EPISODE OF COPS: Deputies arrest an Inverness man after accusing him of breaking into his neighbors' house and threatening them, sticking his fingers into a light socket and shocking himself, threatening a deputy with a metal rod, running naked through a yard, then chewing through a cable in the patrol car.

SHE LATER WAS FOUND SLEEPING WITH THE FISHES: Planning Board member Marion Knudsen angers Italian-Americans by referring to huge homes springing up on area waterfronts as "Mafioso mansions."

THROWING MUD AT THE CLEANUP CREW: County Commissioner Joyce Valentino angers the members of Keep Citrus County Beautiful by asking county staff just what has the group done besides clean up empty lots and get favorable publicity?

WHEN SMOKEY GOES TERRIBLY WRONG: Ralph Pedrick, appropriately nicknamed Smokey, is accused of setting numerous fires at a Crystal River mobile home park.

June

ODDLY, THE VELVET ELVIS WAS UNTOUCHED: A number of homeowners show up at the Sheriff's Office to reclaim their property that had been stolen from construction sites. Included in the loot are more than 100 oil paintings and reproductions of masterpieces.

AH, ENLIGHTENED POLITICAL DISCOURSE: When Inverness businessman Winston Perry addresses City Council on a boating issue, former County Commissioner Josh Wooten sits behind him holding up three fingers and saying loudly, "Third place, Mosquito Control Board," a reference to Perry's venture into politics. Perry, who called his adversary "one-term Wooten," actually finished fourth in a four-person election to the board in 2002.

July

MAYOR GETS HIS GRASS KICKED: Crystal River Mayor Ron Kitchen returns from a monthlong vacation to learn that the city has cited him for having an overgrown lawn, which violates city ordinances.

CHICKS DIG THE TOOTHLESS LOOK: Daniel Burleson, 19, of Crystal River finishes second to a guy from Alabama in a Cosmo Girl! magazine poll of the hottest guys in America.

THE EGGPLANT SHAPED LIKE NIXON SCORED $1.38: A Virginia woman who once adopted Betsy the manatee at Homosassa Springs State Wildlife Park sells a potato she says looks like a manatee on eBay for $151.50.

August

MARLBOROS NOT THE ONLY THING HE'S SMOKING: Inmate Timothy Thompson repeatedly calls home to go over an elaborate plan with family members to smuggle cigarettes into the county jail, unaware that jail officials screen prisoners' phone calls.

TRUTH IS THE FIRST DEFENSE: A Florida Bar Association grievance committee chastises Assistant State Attorney Jeffery Smith for calling a defense attorney a "lying bastard."

September

THE SCOURGE OF THE UNDECIDED CANDIDATE: Robert Whittel says he is not sure whether he will run again for the 5th District congressional seat, even though the state Division of Elections Web site lists him as a declared candidate.

IF A CITY FALLS AND NO ONE NOTICES, DOES IT STILL MAKE NOISE? : Crystal River Mayor Ron Kitchen and former City Council member Phil Price hold a debate on whether the city should be dissolved.

October

"BROWNIE" TOLD ME TO DO IT: FEMA officials say they agreed to buy four travel trailers, not 500, as an Inverness RV dealer had claimed.

HE SURVIVED IRAQ, BUT NOT LECANTO: A Marine Corps veteran of the Iraq war sues the School Board after being accidentally shot in the chest while photographing a training exercise at a district-run gun range at the county landfill.

IF YOU DON'T LIKE MY DRIVING, STAY OFF THE LAWN: The State Attorney won't file charges against a 73-year-old Homosassa man accused of ramming his riding mower into a neighbor's mower while both were cutting their grass.

November

GOTH KIDS, JOCKS AND SKATEBOARDERS ARE STILL ALLOWED : After hearing health officials concerns, the school district restricts hamsters, snakes, mice, rabbits and other critters from classroom show-and-tell exercises.

THAT'S WHY THEY CALL IT THE BLUES : A feud erupts in downtown Inverness between a restaurant owner offering live music and a neighbor upset at the noise.

THE LAUGHING AND POINTING ALERTED POLICE: John Ludy tried, unsuccessfully, to explain to police that he was showing a picture of his penis to a 17-year-old girl at the Crystal River Mall because he wanted an unbiased opinion.

WE'RE SO PROUD OF OUR GRAD : Christian Wayne Bell dashes across the field during a Crystal River High School soccer game wearing only a pig mask and a pink thong. The former player's parents were in the stands during the game.

THE HOTTEST GIFTS OF THE SEASON: A Homosassa woman tells police she stole about $400 in clothing from an Inverness deparment store to give them as Christmas presents.

December

THE BIGGEST CHALLENGE - FINDING A POINT TO THIS EXERCISE: Teams of business executives from around the world converge on Citrus County for an episode of World Team Challenge, in which the captains of industry develop team-building skills.

MAKING JUDICIAL HISTORY, ONE PHRASE AT A TIME: An appellate panel upholds a ruling by Circuit Judge Ric Howard involving his use of the words, "Go hence without day," even though a dissenting judge said she could find no criminal cases in Florida that ever used the phrase.

DESPERATE DIVER CAUGHT TRYING TO ESCAPE: A statue of a scuba diver that sits as part of a Crystal River welcome sign is recovered from a nearby canal.

[Last modified January 2, 2006, 02:30:25]