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The secrets of my success

By ROBERT FRIEDMAN
Published January 22, 2006

I intend to make myself rich and successful in less than two months.

Here's my plan: First, I'm going to read Dave Barry's Money Secrets (reviewed today on page 4P). Then, I'm going to attend Peter Lowe's Get Motivated seminar at Tampa's St. Pete Times Forum.

Barry's book offers many important tips for success, including "how corporate executives, simply by walking into their offices, immediately become much stupider" and "why good colleges cost so much, and how to make sure your child does not get into one."

The advertisements for Lowe's March 8 seminar promise to deliver even more valuable secrets to success. Zig Ziglar ("America's No. 1 Motivator") will teach me "How to Dramatically Improve Your Productivity Without Working Any Longer or Harder." Tom Hopkins ("America's No. 1 Authority on Selling" and author of Selling for Dummies) will teach me "How to Overcome Call Reluctance Every Time."

And that's not all! Steve Forbes will teach me "How to Get Ahead and Stay Ahead" - although Forbes got ahead by inheriting his father's money, so I'm not sure how much his lesson will help me. Chris Simms will teach me "How to Lead Your Team to Victory." (This should be especially good, because the Tampa Bay quarterback has had extra time to work on his lecture since the Bucs were bounced from the playoffs.) And George Foreman, who put the "dope" in rope-a-dope, will teach me "How to Sharpen Your Competitive Edge."

Then there are the Really Big Successes: The speech by "Legendary Soldier-Statesman" Colin Powell is certain to be every bit as persuasive as his 2003 presentation to the United Nations on Iraq's weapons of mass destruction. And former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani will discuss "Courage Without Compromise." As writer Jack Newfield told the Times' Lorrie Lykins in 2003, "Giuliani is getting rich off of 9/11. ... He's really the only individual to reap such profits from a national disaster, and how can that go on without some of his chickens coming home to roost?"

I expect Giuliani to explain how in March.

Assuming he shows up. According to the fine print in the Times ad, "The GET MOTIVATED Seminar reserves the right to change event speakers and/or venues due to unforeseen circumstances."

This has been a problem with Peter Lowe productions in the past. Lowe's earlier operation collapsed amid complaints that advertised speakers failed to show up, motivational tapes went undelivered, events were moved on short notice and mountains of bills were left unpaid. That venture, a subsidiary of the company that owned Success magazine, left a trail of lawsuits, investigations and consumer complaints. Success, which had been publishing for more than 100 years, went under.

But now Lowe, who says he was just an employee of the failed venture (many former associates dispute that claim), is back. And so, apparently, is Success: Every attendee at the March 8 event is promised a one-year subscription to the magazine.

Between Dave Barry's book and Peter Lowe's seminar, I already smell success just around the corner. As the late, great Times columnist Jacquin Sanders told me years ago when I asked him if he'd be attending a writing seminar being offered by a local journalism school: "Nah, I don't think they have much to teach me about writing - but if they ever schedule a seminar on self-promotion, I'll be in the front row."

[Last modified January 20, 2006, 20:01:03]