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Suicide a somber reality for teens

By ERNEST HOOPER
Published January 27, 2006

As an early birthday gift from my sister last week, I got a T-shirt bearing the name and logo of my old high school.

I wore my Godby Cougars shirt with the blue-and-white paw print proudly, even though it drew some laughs from friends who couldn't believe a 42-year-old man still dreams about the days when staying out past midnight was a big deal. I reveled over all of those coming-of-age experiences. Nostalgia gives me a natural high.

If all my wishes come true, everyone would cherish their teen years the way I cherish mine.

The sad reality, however, is that adolescence is an extremely difficult period. Kids are fraught with uncertainty about the future. Self-esteem sometimes proves fleeting. Romance can be as worrisome as it is wonderful. Parental conflicts that are inconsequential to mom and dad can be shattering to the child.

If we've forgotten about the pitfalls of those wonder years, the death of Armwood High's Josh Uhlarik offers a tragic reminder. Uhlarik's family said the promising 16-year-old football star committed suicide last Saturday.

A wake for Uhlarik will take place tonight from 5 to 9 at Terrace Oaks Funeral Home at 12690 N 56th St. in Temple Terrace. The funeral service follows Saturday at 11 a.m. inside the funeral home's chapel.

Uhlarik reportedly exhibited none of the signs associated with suicide. His death has family and friends looking for answers they probably will never find. Searching likely only adds to the anguish.

As a community, however, we can search for ways to prevent this from happening again. Given that suicide is the nation's third-leading cause of death for people between the ages of 15 and 24, we may not succeed at an optimum level.

But we have to try, because growing up isn't as easy as we may think.

"Adolescents are especially vulnerable to peer pressures because it's that time when they're trying to separate from their parents and become their own individual selves," said psychologist Nancy Pape.

Pape, program manager of the Children's Crisis Center of Mental Health Care in Tampa, said the best place to start this effort is with a heightened recognition of the problem.

More important, we can't let content kids remain unaware of the challenges life may offer. Even though recognizing a mental problem is more difficult than recognizing a physical ailment, that doesn't make the illness any less painful.

"We don't spend enough time on what mental health is," Pape said. "We don't talk enough about what leads to good mental health."

It seems to me we would be better off warning kids of the pain life can offer instead of assuming they can just snap out of it. We can't assume just because one kid handled a particular hardship well, it won't be a big deal for another teen. Everyone responds to situations differently.

The Children's Crisis Center often deals with the most difficult challenges: kids who have thought about or even attempted suicide.

Last year, 1,700 young adults visited the center, which offers 24-hour assessment services. The children and parents usually walk away in better shape after developing improved coping and communication skills.

Pape would love it if teens and parents never reached the crisis stage. Winning at Parenting is a periodic course offered at the Children's Crisis Center that offers tips on managing challenging behaviors, avoiding power struggles and building self-esteem.

According to Pape, parents have credited the course with teaching them not to treat their child in any way they would not want to be treated. Kids have raved about simply having "somebody take the time to listen to what they have to say," she said.

For more information about Winning at Parenting, call (813) 272-2282.

Another local mental health organization, the Crisis Center of Tampa Bay, will offer a suicide prevention class Tuesday from 1 p.m. to 3 p.m. Participants will learn the warning signs of suicide and what to do if an individual displays them. The class is already full, but for more information on it and future classes, call 813 969-4945 or go to www.crisiscenter.com

Donna Cacciatore, suicide prevention director for the Crisis Center, said it's important to remember that it's not wrong for parents to talk about suicide with their kids, and it doesn't mean you're weak if you contemplate suicide.

"It just means you're being overwhelmed by what's happening in your life right now," Cacciatore said.

One thing becoming more clear is that respect and empathy are intangibles we may take for granted, but apparently some teens value them more than the car keys.

Mom and dad aren't the only people who can lend an ear or offer a shoulder to cry on.

Sure, it starts with parents, but it can go beyond that. We have to be willing to reach out to our children's friends and the kids of our friends. Maybe we even extend a little love to the kids we don't know so well: the bag boy at the grocery store or the girl behind the counter at the fast food restaurant.

Who knows how much simply listening can impact a teen on the verge of a drastic step?

That's all I'm saying.

WARNING SIGNS

-Dramatic behavior changes

-Withdrawal from friends, social activities, work, etc.

-Making a will, or giving away possessions

-Talk of suicide or prior suicide attempts

-History of mental illness

-Taking unnecessary risks, such as abusing drugs or driving drunk

-Preoccupied with death and dying

-Loss of interest in appearance

-Recent loss of loved one, job, etc.

HOW TO HELP

-If someone you know talks about suicide, take them seriously.

-If you're afraid someone is suicidal, ask. It will show your concern, not encourage them to act.

-Listen without judging.

-Get help from a professional counselor, doctor or adult you trust.

-Even if a friend asks you to, don't keep it a secret.

-If the person is in immediate danger, don't leave them alone. Call 911 or a crisis center.

-Restrict access to guns, medicines and other lethal instruments.

[Last modified January 26, 2006, 09:01:02]