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The Navigator

Are you ready for Romance Day?

By RICK GERSHMAN
Published February 10, 2006

Today's Navigator is directed to the guys out there. Let's face it, women rarely listen to anything I say, unless it includes the words "chocolate," American Idol or "sorry."

You know, as in: "Honey, I'm terribly sorry I stereotypically suggested that women only care about chocolate and American Idol. That was idiotic. Now please drop the tire iron. Come on, here's a Hershey bar."

Relationships have always been a little hit-and-miss for me. I'm starting to think it wasn't a slip of the tongue when my last girlfriend introduced me as her "insignificant other."

It's not that I lack a romantic side; it's just that my smart-aleck instincts prompt me to crack a joke in response to every romantic comment.

I learned the hard way that when your date looks into your eyes and says "I can't remember ever feeling this way about anyone else," the correct reply is not "Oh, that's just the Rohypnol talking."

That's right, guys. Tuesday is Valentine's Day. So if you're in a relationship and didn't know about the approaching holiday until now, you're running a touch behind.

Don't sweat it. There are a couple of restaurants where you still might be able to get reservations. If Arby's took reservations, that is. If your culinary ambitions run a little higher, you're in for a lengthy wait at the bar. Wear comfortable shoes and go easy on the Jack Daniel's. Trust me.

Forget everything you know about Valentine's Day. Expensive presents and pricey dinners are lame ways to tell a woman you love her. Not as lame as, say, a text message, but lame.

Throwing cash at someone doesn't show you care. And it's purely coincidental that this message is coming from a guy whose bank account would fly away if you blew on it.

So here are five ideas for relatively inexpensive romantic destinations around the Tampa area.

Sunset at Ballast Point Park: Wander down to the end of the pier near sunset, check out the skyline of downtown and, if so inspired, compose a limerick about a squirrel. Take my word for it. Chicks dig that.

Harry Waugh Dessert Room at Bern's Steak House: Not expensive if you don't dive too deep into the massive wine menu. Instead, share some vanilla bean ice cream, have a couple of snifters of warmed Grand Marnier and enjoy the intimate ambience.

Line Dancing at the Dallas Bull: Dancing is romantic. Okay, so country line dancing isn't exactly the tango, but it also doesn't require tons of lessons and more than a smidge of coordination. Plus, jeans and cowboy boots are always hot. Just don't get caught checking out anyone else's giddy-up. You mess with the bull, you get the horns.

Carriage ride through Old Hyde Park Village: Chicks dig horses, too. I don't know why. But going old school like this is always a nice touch. Make sure to get into the mood by turning off your cell phone and BlackBerry and iPod and PSP. Otherwise you'll be a total turnoff.

Lowry Park Zoo: So she thinks you're a disheveled mess. Go show her some real animals. By the time you're done, she'll be thinking, "Well, at least he doesn't throw poop at me."

- Rick Gershman can be reached at http://sptimes.com/blogs/tampaarts/

[Last modified February 10, 2006, 08:48:24]