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Rudeness erodes our sense of compassion

By SUE CARLTON
Published March 8, 2006

	ItsYourTimes.com: Post your thoughts

What happened to 19-year-old Matt Brown and his mother as they watched The Pink Panther in an AMC movie theater in Oldsmar makes me uncomfortable.

Uncomfortable because some other moviegoers weren't more tolerant of the neurological disorder that made him laugh loudly, too loudly, sometimes in the wrong places.

Uncomfortable picturing the ugly scene where Matt and his mother were kicked out.

And uncomfortable because my first reaction was that maybe the manager at that movie theater was right.

The experience of trying to enjoy a movie at the theater these days is what did this to us. Actually, maybe it's just living in the world in general.

At tables next to us in restaurants, people yak away on cell phones. They talk on them in traffic when they're supposed to be driving.

Drivers cut us off and refuse to use their blinkers. Parents let kids run amok in public. Dog walkers don't pick up afterward.

A friend once told me an appalling story of going into a crowded Starbucks with his friend. Only one table was open, and another group was headed straight for it. So my friend's friend balled up his jacket and threw it over the heads of several people to land on the empty table and claim it.

Any wonder we're angry? Some of the people around us have gone so far beyond rude that we're poised to be offended, ready to protect our little bit of peace any time there's even a hint of an offense.

I keep seeing this bumper sticker that says "Just Be Nice." It's so annoying I can't believe it doesn't inspire acts of road rage instead of kindness.

The movies can be the worst. You're supposed to be able to lose yourself there in the dark, but cell phones ring, people talk full volume and they eat noisy food like starving animals. Howling children are not immediately whisked to the lobby.

When we were kids, uniformed ushers patrolled the aisles, hunting down chatters and popcorn throwers. If that flashlight shone on you, you were outta there. These weren't ushers, they were bailiffs.

Whatever happened to those guys?

Because it's up to businesses to fight back. Lately I've seen signs up - at a Subway restaurant, a post office - telling customers to finish their cell phone conversations before they talk to the clerk about how many stamps they want or the choice of cheese for their sandwich. Embarrassing, isn't it, that they have to remind us to be civil?

But in the case of Matt Brown, who hadn't knowingly done anything to offend anyone, the theater manager could not win. Other moviegoers paid their money and deserved a pleasant experience. Their complaints forced the manager to seem utterly heartless, kicking out a disabled kid for, of all things, expressing too much joy.

Afterward, the president of AMC called and apologized (and graciously so, according to Matt Brown's mother Susan Brown, who had filed a complaint with the American Civil Liberties Union). He also offered a private screening - an appropriate and thoughtful gesture. Matt and some friends are expected to go this weekend.

Reaction from those who read Times reporter Nicole Johnson's stories was, interestingly, sharply divided. Some who wrote were incensed by what happened to him. Others sided strongly with the moviegoers and applauded the theater manager.

What would have happened in a perfect world? Maybe the theater manager could have assessed the situation - this was a Sunday showing of a comedy, after all, not Brokeback Mountain - and explained the delicacy of it to the offended parties, offering them free passes to come back another time.

Maybe those folks could have seen Matt Brown's wheelchair and the fact that he was seated in the handicapped section and realized that this not somebody being deliberately or even carelessly obnoxious. Maybe they could have sighed and said, oh, well.

I keep hoping that's what I would have done. You know, just been nice.

Sue Carlton can be reached at carlton@sptimes.com

[Last modified March 8, 2006, 01:41:06]