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Smile, it could be worse

Sure, life may get you down. But, you should be very thankful you're not Drew Bledsoe, Bjorn Borg or Andrew Friedman.

By GARY SHELTON
Published March 26, 2006

Tough morning, huh?

Someone stole your left shoe. Your car engine sounds like someone left a fork in the trash compactor. You mistook the mouthwash for nail-polish remover again. The vice president asked if you liked hunting.

Yeah, yeah. I've been there. We all have bad days.

On the other hand, it could have been worse. You could have been Bud Selig. Or Barry Bonds. Or Bill Parcells.

Here at lesson-of-the-day central, this is your reminder. On those mornings when you are struggling, it is important to keep in mind all of those people who are having a harder time, just so you can point at them and make fun. After all, isn't that the real meaning of celebrity?

So come on. Think of it like a parlor game.

Of all of the awful days suffered recently, who has had the worst one:

--Drew Bledsoe, quarterback, Dallas Cowboys. Poor Drew. In terms of misery, today ties with every other day since the Cowboys acquired Terrell Owens as the worst you could imagine. No one knows the size of the bus, or the speed. We just know that it is coming, and it is wearing Owens' number, and soon, Bledsoe is going to be tossed underneath it. I don't know what your pool says, but Week 11 sounds about right to me.

--Bud Selig, poobah, Major League Baseball. Can you imagine being Bud these days? Everyone in the world has finally noticed that Barry Bonds glows in the dark except Bud. Not only that, but Bud's grand distraction, the World Baseball Classicand Office Picnic, exposed the United States as just another country trying to learn the game. If that weren't bad enough, Fay Vincent keeps popping up like a jack-in-the-box to remind everyone of all the problems he didn't clean up, either.

--Bruce Pearl, basketball coach, Tennessee. Okay, a lot of basketball coaches have explaining to do at the annual Boosters and Boozers Banquets, but none so much as Pearl, whose team looked as if he were getting advice from Phil Fulmer during the tournament. Tennessee almost lost to Winthrop in the first round, then was bulled by Wichita State in the second. A No.2 seed? When you consider the Tennessee women's team and a strong intramural program, I'm not sure the Vols were a No. 2 seed on their own campus.

--Andrew Friedman, vice president, Devil Rays. Quicker than you can say Juan Guzman, reliever Shinji Mori is out for the year. Yes sir, this is how it feels to be Chuck LaMar.

--Greg Owen, golfer. Poor Greg. He picked the worst time of his life to turn into, well, me. Owen three-putted from 3 feet last week to lose the Arnold Palmer tournament. In golf, converting on third-and-1 is not a good thing.

--Andy Reid, coach, Philadelphia Eagles. Ah, Andy. You thought you would never see T.O. in your end zone again.

--Bjorn Borg, tennis player, retired. He's selling his five Wimbledon trophies. Maybe Andy Roddick can buy one of those. It's clear he can't get one of Roger Federer's.

--Zygi Wilf, owner, Minnesota Vikings. Explain this. How does a team get even less for trading Daunte Culpepper than it did for trading Randy Moss? Just asking.

--Bode Miller, skier. Aha! Now Bode says he was just too darned pumped to win at the Olympics, an event he cared deeply about. Funny thing. His bartender said the same thing.

--Edgerrin James, running back, Arizona Cardinals. James sold his abilities, his reputation and his future to the Cardinals for $30-million. It was nice watching you, Edge.

--Paul Tagliabue. The commish said Monday that he's retiring. Personally, I don't think he could go on with the knowledge that, for all of Owens' bull, he ended up with a raise.

[Last modified March 26, 2006, 00:26:15]