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Judge Judy's take on townhomes

By JUDY STARK
Published May 6, 2006

Since Townhouses R Us all around Tampa Bay these days, I was pleased that I was assigned to a team of judges evaluating townhomes in the Greater Orlando Parade of Homes two weekends ago.

Parades of Homes are the spring showcases of new construction presented by local builders' associations. Just before the parade opens to the public, teams of judges - people who work in some aspect of the building industry - visit the models in a certain price category. Judges award points based on curb appeal, quality of finish work, floor plans and other criteria. The top point-getter in each category gets a trophy to display in the model center.

So Judge Judy - that's me - did the townhome tour, looking at models mostly priced between $250,000 and $343,000. We also evaluated two master-planned communities and one home priced in excess of $1-million. My fellow judges were Michael Padgett, a builder from Sarasota, and Darlene Kingas, whose background is in statistics and market research.

Notes from the tour:

There's only so much you can do with a basic townhouse floor plan. So it was refreshing when we saw good details and artful uses of space. A powder room tucked under the stairs. Stairs pushed to the back of the house so they didn't dominate the living-dining area. Foyers, however small, that were set off somehow (different flooring, arches, use of color or art) to give a sense of entry. Real laundry rooms, not just closets with louvered doors. Decent-sized secondary bedrooms. A "double-master" floor plan with two good-sized bedrooms, each with its own bath (good for students, older couples or a single parent with a teenager). Storage carved out under the stairs, or a big linen closet. Oversized garages. Which of these do you see in the townhomes you're considering?

Growth industry: House after house had a painted wooden handrail on the stairs to the second floor. I want that franchise, since it's obviously such a moneymaker. But here's the problem: Painted handrails start to show wear and tear in a matter of months as the paint rubs away. They show every fingerprint. They look downmarket. Give me a rail of stained oak that will wear better and look classier (a nice pick-me-up in a modestly priced house).

Clip, clip: That snipping sound you hear is every imaginable corner being cut in a house that has been value-engineered within an inch of its life. "Value-engineered" is a polite way of saying "We squeezed every nickel out of this one and got rid of everything that wasn't absolutely necessary." Bottom-of-the-line cabinets with no knobs, low-cost shallow kitchen sinks that will be difficult and noisy to wash dishes in, styleless light fixtures, ho-hum laminate countertops, skimpy crown moldings or none at all, tiny closets. How will such a house hold up to family living? I'll bet it will look worn and weary in a year. Buyers, look at what you're not getting as well as what you do get and understand the tradeoffs.

Back to the drawing board: It got to be a joke for our team of judges. Would the bathroom cabinets have drawers, or not? In all too many, the answer was: no drawers. Where are you going to put your stuff?

Terror in pink: Virtually every home we looked at had a daughter's bedroom in pink, ranging from pale pink to Pepto-Bismol. Aiieee! One of them was so luminescent, you could even say it glowed. Pink fur should be outlawed.

What's for sale here? We visited a planned community that was still mostly dirt. One section of houses was under construction (and all sold out); the rest was yet to come, at prices from $300,000 to beyond $1-million. Judge Judy's Rule: The less there is to see on the site, the more you'd better show at your welcome center, and this one came up short. Where was the video playing on the plasma-screen TV to show what the community will look like someday and help buyers envision themselves enjoying the place? Why did we have to look so hard for the handout materials, and why were they so skimpy? A single overworked saleswoman was trying to manage several sets of potential buyers at once. Where were the coffee and cookies to make buyers feel welcome?

Step right up: We liked the homes that had a sloping ramp rather than steps up to the front door. But at another community, why did the railings on the front steps - required by fire code, we were told - have to look so institutional?

Don't miss good opportunities. One community, obviously targeting young couples with a baby or soon to have one, decorated the home with baby touches throughout: bottles and baby food artfully arranged on the kitchen counter, a pretty nursery. But they missed a bet. Sliders in the master bedroom opened onto a balcony, furnished only with a couple of nothing-much chairs. Listen up, builders! A pair of nice chairs, a candle in a hurricane shade, a bottle of wine and a couple of glasses - did somebody say romance? When the baby's finally down for the night, invite the new parents out on the balcony for some adult relaxation. That's the memory point.

Scrap the scraps. Judge Judy finally pounded her gavel on this one. We stepped into a pretty little condo conversion, a one-bedroom apartment whose family builders had done a terrific job of refreshing and remodeling the units for sale. It was warm, inviting, cozy, attractive. The family's commitment to quality was obvious. But inside the front door there was a ratty old scrap of carpet for visitors to wipe their feet. I turned to the builder and told him: "Get that ratty scrap of carpet out of here now. You have a gorgeous model, that carpet is trash." He grabbed it and hustled it out the door: "Is this fast enough for you?" he asked. Here's my point, builders: First impressions count. Don't disrespect your model, don't disrespect yourselves, don't disrespect your buyers with a mistake like that. I'll mentally deduct $10,000 from the asking price when you send the message your house is junk. I'll gladly add $10,000 when you show me your house is gorgeous from the minute I step in the front door.

Judy Stark can be reached at (727) 893-8446 or stark@sptimes.com.

[Last modified May 6, 2006, 06:30:24]