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A chance to grieve, share, heal

Hospice camps show grieving kids they're not alone.

By MICHELE MILLER
Published June 7, 2006

[Times photo: Brendan Fitterer]

Cole Manion, 10, is comforted by counselor Steve Brown, right, during Camp Sol as Cole explains his feelings about the loss of his grandfather. The event was held at a New Port Richey hotel and included small group activities that helped children deal with grief.

NEW PORT RICHEY - When it comes to baseball, 10-year-old Cole Manion rides the fence between his two favorite teams.

"I'm mostly a Braves fan," he said. "I have more of their cards and my dad's a Braves fan."

But on Tuesday when Cole went off to Camp Sol, he put on a tie-dye Boston Red Sox shirt.

It was a tribute, of sorts, to his grandfather, Frank Massarelli.

"He was a big Red Sox fan. He had like 10 hats," Cole said of the man he and his 9-year-old brother, Cody, called Grampy. "He died on New Year's Eve."

Just the thought still makes Cole cry sometimes. But at Camp Sol, a one-day camp hosted by Hernando Pasco Hospice, Cole and Cody would not be alone with their grief. Other kids at the camp had also experienced the loss of someone close to them.

Twin sisters Madison and Mackenzie Eisner, 7, had lost their grandmother on Valentine's Day.

Brian King had lost his father, Steven King, to a disease called leukemia.

And Samantha Isham, 9, and Hunter Isham, 5, lost their baby brother, Benjamin.

For one day these west Pasco children - 27 in all - had a chance to share their tears, their feelings and regrets, some swim time and perhaps a little healing at a special camp held at the Quality Inn in New Port Richey.

Camp Sol is one of three camps for elementary school-age children to be hosted by Hernando Pasco Hospice this month. Others will be held on Thursday at Glen Lakes in Weekie Wachee and on June 15 at Lexington Oaks in Wesley Chapel. Hernando Pasco Hospice also offers a weekendlong camp, held in March for middle school children.

For the west Pasco campers, Quality Inn Suites donated the space and provided lunch for the camp, which has been offered to youngsters since 1993, said Becky Bennett, volunteer program specialist and camp director.

Those who are invited to attend must live in Pasco or Hernando County and have been seen by a hospice counselor within the last two years, sometimes at their homes, but most often at continuing sessions at their elementary schools.

The Children's Assistance Program is one of the biggest hidden secrets, said Bennett.

"We want people to know that we do offer this at no cost to families. When most people think of hospice, they think of the grim reaper - sickness. They don't know about these other programs that we offer that are helping children."

Hospice partners with the school district, and many clients have had no previous association with hospice. They could be a child whose mother or father died in Iraq or a child with a friend who died in a car accident, said Bennett.

There is a definite need for such programs, said Crystal MacRitchie, one of two hospice counselors to serve the east Pasco area.

"Our kids are really impacted by death," she said. She recently asked a fourth-grade class the question, "How many of you have lost someone close to you?" All but two hands went up.

Children are often afraid to share their feelings with their parents, because they don't want to upset them, said Bennett. Adults who are closest to children are sometimes so wrapped up in their own grief, or so intent on shielding children, that youngsters are left out of the grieving process. "The most important part of this camp is that they know that they aren't alone - that there are other kids their age that are going through the same thing."

For Sandy Manion, mother of Cole and Cody, the program and the camp were a definite blessing after losing her father.

"It's hard. I'm very upset and going through all that," she said. "It's wonderful that they have someone else who wasn't so emotional to talk to them."

At Camp Sol, youngsters get a chance to openly talk about the person who died and discuss their feelings - sadness, anger and sometimes even relief - by talking in small groups. They have the option to share or not share the regrets or wishes they might have.

Some comments they wrote on pieces of paper: "I wish my dad were not crossing the road at that time of night"; "I wish my grandma could watch us grow up"; "I wish I can see my brother."

They later tossed their comments into a paper bag.

From hospice counselor Steve Brown, they heard the Bark Necklace story that tells how after losing a loved one, American Indians would go into the woods and cut a piece of bark from a tree to make a necklace. From time to time they would go back to visit the tree and see that after spilling some sap, like human tears, the tree was healing, said Brown. "That would remind them that like the tree, their heart was healing, also."

Then they were given their own necklaces made from pine bark and hemp string to take home.

The culminating event was a memorial service during which children and adults were invited to write special messages to their loved ones on paper butterflies. The butterflies were then hung from two giant yellow and green balloons, and released in the hotel parking lot.

It was an emotional experience, with tissues being handed out all around. Cole Manion worried after watching some of the butterflies fall back to Earth.

"I'm sure the message will get there," said Sandy Manion as she tousled her son's hair. "I'm sure it will get where it's supposed to."

Help out

Volunteers, particularly a nurse, are needed for the Camp Sol to be held June 15 in Wesley Chapel. To help out or for information on programs, call Becky Bennett at (727) 863-7971.

[Last modified June 7, 2006, 07:16:54]