True tale of tech addict's triumph

Lisa Whaley felt the anxiety build up during Day 3, but she managed to make it a whole week unplugged from her
e-mail, cell phone and voice mail while on vacation.

"When I returned, the world did not fall apart because I was out of touch for those seven days," said Whaley, an author and a life and career coach.

Whaley also is a self-described workaholic, and the challenge from a friend contributed to an evolution in her life. Now, a vacation means time off, not simply carrying on work from a different location.

"Before, I was a workaholic and I didn’t realize I was a workaholic," said Whaley, 46. "And I burned out."

When we last talked to Whaley, also a former IBM executive, she openly detailed how her life had spun out of control, going as far as to start her car engine in an attempted suicide. Now, she’s taking her life back and advising others along the way.

Technology plays a role in Whaley’s situation, but it’s not the villain, as she writes in her new book, Prisoners of Technology ($19.95, Rooftop Publishing). (Full disclosure: Whaley quotes from the Times’ 2005 series "In Search of Simplicity" in the book.)

"Technology has evolved to the point where we can be connected, accessible and on demand all the time," Whaley writes. "But does that mean that we should?"

The answer, obvious from the title, is no. What Whaley and a host of experts in the book say is that people need to do a better job of separating work from their personal lives. They need to know when to unplug.

Sure, the demands on our time have grown exponentially. The global economy means a 24/7 business cycle. Even if someone wants a breather, the boss can make disconnecting difficult.

"Knowledge workers can make all the choices they want," Whaley said. "But if the institutions they work for — the corporate culture, the management and senior leaders — don’t support those choices, then I’m not sure anything will change."

The tech industry does not escape blame, not for producing the gadgets but rather for continuing to push the idea of anywhere, any time connectivity. It’s tough to fight.

"You see the ads, you see all this stuff that makes you say, ‘I’m missing out on something if I’m not connected,’ " Whaley said. "What I’m trying to do is make sure they’re using and integrating it into their lives so it really does offer some simplicity. When you get to the point where it’s causing chaos and causing disruption, then that’s a clear sign that you’ve become a prisoner."

In a humorous second chapter, the book gives some scenarios of overdoing it, such as:

n "If your toddler’s first full statement is ‘Can you hear me now?’ "

n "If you forget your anniversary, or loved one’s birthday, because a server was down."

Life coach Betsy Thomas contributed her family’s experiences to the book, including getting an Instant Message from her husband — in the home office, about 15 feet away.

"How easy is it to allow the computer to take the place of interaction with each other or other creative endeavors that might occur without its presence?" Thomas writes.

But we’re all into it. According to the introduction by David Vaskevitch, a Microsoft vice president, a British newspaper started a test in 1997, asking 10 people to give up digital devices for a week. By 2004, the paper gave up the test because it couldn’t find people who could go two days without their gadgets.

Mark Ligorski, medical director of the North Court Psychotherapy Center in Danbury, Conn., says in the book that he has had patients who felt guilty because they could do only one task at a time.

"There has been a standard created, whereby people believe that you are supposed to multitask and, if you cannot or are not all that good at it, you begin to believe that there is something wrong with you," Ligorski writes.

Symptoms of the problems show up everywhere in Whaley’s life. She recalled getting a call from her brother on a Sunday morning — when he was in church. She got frustrated while visiting a friend because she had only slow, dialup Internet access. She spent a chapter chronicling how much personal information she heard while people talked on their cell phones, loudly, in public.

In her own home, Whaley says, a common phrase is "it’s time to get unplugged." Yet in a twist, it’s her daughter telling her to get off the computer.

Whaley continues to be upbeat about her own life, though her marriage ended in divorce. Her two teenage daughters are doing well, and Whaley is engaged.

"I have no regrets," Whaley said. "I believe everything happens for a reason. All of these things I went through were to equip me for the work I am now doing. I do think I have found my purpose in life."