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Be there, dads, and rewards never end

By ANDREW SKERRITT
Published June 18, 2006

"Daddy, you're fired," said my then 3-year-old daughter, as I dressed her for day care on a cold morning.

"You're not my dad anymore."

"So if I'm not your dad, then who am I?" was the only retort I could muster.

My answer didn't matter, only the moment. That fact was amplified soon afterward when I learned that more than 440,000 children born in Florida over the past two decades had no legal father.

Imagine all those children with a blank space on their birth certificate where the father's name should be. Imagine all the 3-year-olds who never had the luxury of talking back to their fathers, even in jest. Imagine all those men who see fatherhood as a job they don't want. They left behind children without establishing paternity.

As a father who grew up without a father present, those numbers are sobering. I was lucky enough to be raised by grandparents who treated me like their son.

Florida has been pushing to establish paternity, urging more men to submit to DNA testing. If a man is going to pay child support, it's only fair that he be certain that he's the real daddy.

But real fathers don't need a blood sample in a test tube to tell them what to do. Nothing fosters manhood like fatherhood. It is not surprising that many of the men who shirk fatherhood also shirk other responsibilities, like getting a job.

Raising children can be instructive. Having a teenage son has been a wonderful exercise in learning the meaning of commitment and keeping promises. Saying what you mean and meaning what you say, being honest about even the little things.

Fatherhood is a great way to shed the self-centeredness that clings to men way past adolescence. It's wonderful learning to pay attention to stuff your son or daughter is interested in, explaining the intricacies of life - as much as they care to discuss. You can't fake interest convincingly enough to fool a child.

And then there are those times that make fatherhood its own reward. Sunday afternoons after church used to be my favorite time to watch sports, read or sleep. But with a young daughter, Sunday afternoons have become park time. As young as she is, she knows when it's Sunday afternoon, so we venture out. After she climbs into the swing, my job is to push her until she is on a trajectory that takes her high into the air. There is no fear. Her voice carries over the playground. She knows her father is near and will catch her if she falls.

Even before your children show up, there is the joy of anticipating fatherhood. Any man who has gone to the doctor with his expectant wife will never forget the first time the doctor hooks up the baby's heartbeat to the office sound system and you hear the staccato beat of your baby's heart, galloping, alive.

Fatherhood also means being there when the baby finally arrives - whether you're pacing the hallway outside the operating room while your wife has a C-section or you're in the room as she's about to deliver. I remember being ushered into the OR, dressed in surgical cap and gown. I sat next to the operating table as my wife gave birth to my daughter. As the doctor hoisted my daughter from the womb, mine was the first voice she heard. You don't experience that thrill if you skip fatherhood.

Men who father children and believe their job is complete when the biological function is done have it all wrong. They have no idea of what they're missing when they skip out on child rearing. There simply is no more rewarding experience.

How sad for those who skip it.

Andrew Skerritt can be reached at 813 909-4602 or toll-free at 1-800-333-7505, ext. 4602. His e-mail address is askerritt@sptimes.com.

[Last modified June 18, 2006, 06:17:15]