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Father's Day Caption Contest
By JOHN BARRY
Published June 18, 2006
Dad, we hate to spoil your Father's Day, but this could actually be worse than the synthetic putting mat you just unwrapped. We have the results of our Father's Day Caption Contest. Our cartoon by Simon Cox depicts an intrepid father, boldly poised on his skateboard at the edge of a half-pipe, sensibly wearing two ballpoint pens and knee pads. One boy is giving Dad a sign of approval and another is on a cell phone, saying . . . well, that was the challenge. Cynical readers - probably all of them presenting their dads with refrigerator golf magnets this morning - interpreted the cartoon as something other than a heroic tableau. Grab a beer, big guy, Father's Day is about to get ugly. Our top prize - a T-shirt that shows a monkey evolving into Homer Simpson - goes to 10-year-old John Brown of Clearwater. Nobody knows how to push Dad's buttons better than a 10-year-old. THE WINNING CAPTION I'm calling to see if my dad's health insurance covers injuries from a drop in, 360, or a kickflip pop-shove-it combo. John Brown, 10, Clearwater HONORABLE MENTIONS No really, Mom, this is so much worse than the Speedo at the beach! S. Taylor, St. Petersburg Cancel the soy-ham, pineapple and low-fat cheese pizza and just send two pepperoni with extra cheese instead. Thanks! Denise Sullivan, Valrico Why can't he just drink beer and watch NASCAR on television like the other fathers? Liz Drayer, Clearwater My dad is about to ruin my weekend. Can your mom drive us? Yeah, AND he's wearing loafers. Michele Di Carlo, Seminole Hello, Mom? Dad is wearing white socks with loafers again and has two pens in his shirt pocket. Jim Steele, Largo When adults say it, does "cowabunga" mean "I've lost my mind"? Tom Takach, St Petersburg Whaddaya mean the ER doesn't take reservations? Jackson Rhodes, Tampa Mom, are there any refills left on Dad's Vicodin prescription? Yeah, it's quite possible that he may need another hip replacement surgery after this. Juliana White, Lutz Go for it, Dad! Jimmy's already dialed 9 and 1. Ken O'Leary, St. Petersburg Mom, Dad's trying to beat Grandma's score again! Colin O'Hara, 16, Largo Hold on a minute while we call your HMO and get preauthorization. Debi Dame, Clearwater Grandma, will you PLEASE let Granddad buy his own skateboard? Marlene Carey, Clearwater Mom, call AFLAC. Brian Beeker, 13, Spring Hill Mom, you should see Dad. He's the perfect ad for four movies: Superman, The Last Stand, Over the Hedge and The Break-Up. Joe Keck, Palm Harbor Oh, great, now I wish I'd never bet him that Taylor Hicks would win on American Idol. Carol D. Dufresne, Palm Harbor Mom? Remember when Dad tried rollerblades and broke his wrist? Ann Salustri, Clearwater (Ann's caption is based on a true story: "My husband, then 50-plus years old, bought rollerblades and pads at the consignment shop for $15 and stored them in the back of his truck. He went to a neglected, pothole-ridden parking lot and promptly fell and broke his wrist. He didn't tell anyone, just went to work for two weeks with this swollen wrist. His excuse? He fell out of the truck. Finally, he admitted what he did and went to have the wrist X-rayed and set. Almost all of us had a good laugh."
[Last modified June 17, 2006, 11:39:08]
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Fifty years ago, they were screwed-up kids sent to the Florida School for Boys to be straightened out. But now they are screwed-up men, scarred by the whippings they endured. Read the story and see a video and portrait gallery.
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