A few choice words in parting
By STEVE PERSALL
Published July 20, 2006
Nobody wanted to read Fred Clark's obituary when he wrote it last December.
"It's really not morbid," he assured his wife, Alice, and other family members near their Midlothian, Va., home. "It's just kind of the way I feel." They were accustomed to Fred's sense of humor.
Alice Clark took a look and enjoyed what her husband wrote, an irreverent autobiography praising his wife, children and unhealthy habits, and calling for an unorthodox memorial service. She promised Fred the obituary would be submitted to the local newspaper when the proper time came.
That time arrived on June 18. Alice was driving her husband to Father's Day festivities when another driver rear-ended their vehicle, causing it to flip several times. Fred was instantly killed. He was 61. Alice, 59, suffered a broken neck, clavicle and fingers. Her hospitalization delayed the obituary's publication in the Richmond Times-Dispatch until July 9, with a few updated pieces of information such as the cause of his death.
Fred's obituary was noticed by content editors for Fark.com, who linked it to their Web site featuring unusual news stories. Since then, it has been read by countless Web surfers. More than 500 readers have posted condolences on an attached guest book, sorry about Fred's death and that they never met him.
"He was such a private, quiet person," Alice said in a telephone interview July 12, a day before what would have been their 38th wedding anniversary. "He would have never thought people would react like this.
"Everything in (the obituary) is Fred to a 'T.' Fred always tried to take things that were very ordinary and make them easier by making light of them. He always had us laughing and we're still laughing."
Meet the late Fred Clark, in his own words - punctuation errors and all.
- STEVE PERSALL, Times staff writer
* * *
Published in the Richmond Times-Dispatch on 7/9/2006:
Frederic Arthur (Fred) Clark, who had tired of reading obituaries noting other's courageous battles with this or that disease, wanted it known that he lost his battle as a result of an automobile accident on June 18, 2006.
True to Fred's personal style, his final hours were spent joking with medical personnel while he whimpered, cussed, begged for narcotics and bargained with God to look over his wife and kids. He loved his family. His heart beat faster when his wife of 37 years, Alice Rennie Clark, entered the room, and saddened a little when she left. His legacy was the good works performed by his sons, Frederic Arthur Clark III and Andrew Douglas Clark MD, PhD., along with Andy's wife, Sara Morgan Clark.
Fred's back straightened and chest puffed out when he heard the Star Spangled Banner and his eyes teared when he heard Amazing Grace. He wouldn't abide self important tight-(censored). Always an interested observer of politics, particularly what the process does to its participants, he was amused by politicians' outrage when we lie to them and amazed at what the voters would tolerate. His final wishes were "throw the bums out and don't elect lawyers" (though it seems to make little difference).
During his life he excelled at mediocrity. He loved to hear and tell jokes, especially short ones due to his limited attention span. He had a life long love affair with bacon, butter, cigars and bourbon. You always knew what Fred was thinking much to the dismay of his friend and family. His sons said of Fred, "he was often wrong, but never in doubt". When his family was asked what they remembered about Fred, they fondly recalled how Fred never peed in the shower - on purpose.
He died at MCV Hospital and sadly was deprived of his final wish which was to be run over by a beer truck on the way to the liquor store to buy booze for a double date to include his wife, Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter to crash an ACLU cocktail party. In lieu of flowers, Fred asks that you make a sizable purchase at your local ABC store or Virginia winery (please, nothing French - the (censored) - and get rip roaring drunk at home with someone you love or hope to make love to.
Word of caution though, don't go out in public to drink because of the alcohol related laws our elected officials have passed due to their inexplicable terror at the sight of a MADD lobbyist and overwhelming compulsion to meddle in our lives.
No funeral or service is planned. However, a party will be held to celebrate Fred's life. It will be held in Midlothian, Va. Email fredsmemory@yahoo.com for more information. Fred's ashes will be fired from his favorite cannon at a private party on the Great Wicomico River where he had a home for 25 years. Additionally, all of Fred's friend (sic) will be asked to gather in a phone booth, to be designated in the future, to have a drink and wonder, "Fred who?"
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