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Meal with monkeys ... in sight

By TIMES WIRES
Published August 7, 2006

At the back-to-school meeting of teachers and administrators July 31, keynote speaker Dr. William McBride used plenty of humor to get his points across. Although he discussed the brain and differences in gender, he started his talk on a completely unrelated note, mentioning his return to the South from his current San Francisco home and the fried seafood platter he ordered to enjoy in his hotel room for dinner. He had breaded shrimp, breaded everything, including breaded bread, he said.

But the ambiance was as good as the meal. "Never have I eaten a seafood platter while looking at monkeys picking at themselves," he said. He was staying at a hotel that overlooked Monkey Island in Homosassa.

YOU JUST CAN'T WIN: In his speech, McBride provided examples of how minds of the opposite sexes work. One illustration was of a quarreling couple who were giving each other the silent treatment.

Not wanting to lose the argument by speaking, the husband, who really needed his wife to help him wake up so he could catch a plane, left her a note. "Please wake me at 5 a.m."

When he woke up - at 9 a.m. - he saw his wife's response. It was a note that said: "It's 5 a.m. Wake up."

UH ... WILL YOU CARRY THIS FOR ME? He made another distinction between the sexes using his audience. He asked female teachers, "If you have a large purse or pocketbook, please raise your hand." One very accommodating teacher was even willing to let McBride describe the contents of her bag to the crowd.

A Twinkie (she explained that away by saying something about having sons), Purell (hand sanitizer), Neosporin (antibiotic), an entire container of wipes, a cosmetic case, McBride's book (he liked that) and a container of body butter.

McBride's wallet, in a clear contrast, had none of those things.

He then recalled doing the same purse examination at another gathering. He found a remote control in one woman's bag.

"Do you always carry your remote along?" he asked her. "No," she answered, explaining that her husband wouldn't go shopping with her and taking the remote was the most evil thing she could do to get back at him - legally.

THAT'S A FUNNY LOOKIN' KID: McBride had another story about the inner workings of the male and female minds. He told about a couple traveling down a country road, arguing as they went.

They passed a herd of goats. The husband sneered and asked, "Relatives of yours?"

Replied his wife: "Yeah, my in-laws."

[Last modified August 6, 2006, 21:00:06]