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Easing the grief

There's nothing shameful about needing help to cope with a death, says a woman who decided to finally deal with her own pain.

By GAIL HOLLENBECK
Published September 2, 2006

INVERNESS - The emotional pain associated with losing a loved one to death can be incapacitating. GriefShare, a grief recovery support group, can help, and Jerry Carmichael is making that help available here.

Carmichael, 67, was ministering to divorcees when she saw people in a different kind of pain.

"I see so many people out there that are hurting," she said. "A few months ago, a friend kept telling me about a grief support group. She finally showed up with materials on the group."

Carmichael didn't think she had a need to get involved in a grief-related group because she hadn't lost a spouse to death. Then she thought of other lost loved ones in her life.

"The next thought that came to me was, you have lost a lot of people through death: a sister, brother, grandparents, father, aunts, uncles, cousins and just last year my best friend. I realized I was in denial and had not dealt with any of these deaths."

Carmichael felt she had never grieved for those deaths in a natural, healthy way.

"We put ourselves down for not being able to cope with it better," she said. "But God never said life would be easy. He just said he would be there with us to see us through."

Because she is a Christian, Carmichael thought she had to appear strong, so she hid her grief, even from herself.

"I put too much pressure on myself to act like I had it all together, rather than admitting my hurts and losses and receiving help," she said. "It was such a blessing to learn grieving is a natural thing and crying cleanses the soul. I started attending a support group and started to deal with all my pain and brokenness."

Now Carmichael wants to pass on the help she found through a nondenominational, biblically based program called GriefShare. Thanks to First United Methodist Church, she has the use of a room for her Saturday night meetings. She also conducts a DivorceCare recovery group there on Tuesday evenings.

GriefShare is a part of a larger ministry called Church Initiative that provides a series of 13 videos that include When Your Dreams Fall Apart, The Seasons of Grief, The Emotions of Grief, When Your Spouse Dies, Your Family and Grief, Where Is God?, Your Greatest Resource, Stuck in Grief or Moving On, Growing Through Grief, Grief Recovery Tool Kit, God's Spiritual Hospital and Longing for Heaven.

The videos feature interviews with leading authors, counselors, speakers and pastors with years of expertise in grief recovery.

Some of those interviewed are Kay Arthur, Dr. Bill Bright, Dr. Larry Crabb, Elisabeth Elliot, Dr. Erwin Lutzer, Dr. David Olford, Dr. Luis Palau, Dr. Joseph Stowell, Joni Eareckson Tada and H. Norman Wright.

Meetings begin at 6 p.m. and last two hours. Along with the video presentation, there is a time for small-group discussions and sharing.

The first meeting is today, but anyone wishing to attend can begin with any session.

Each is "self-contained," and videos do not have to be viewed in sequence. Any missed videos can be seen during the next 13-week session.

Carmichael decided to have the meetings on Saturdays, she said, because weekends can be lonely for someone who has lost a loved one, especially a child or a spouse.

"I see Christian support groups as a vital necessity," Carmichael said. "It offers a place where people can bring their hurts and confusion out in the open and not be judged. Then they can receive the answers for healing through biblical answers.

"I would like to invite everyone to come so we can journey to wholeness together. The one thing I want to do for hurting people is give them hope."

[Last modified September 2, 2006, 07:09:04]