Bucs/NFL

Gimme 5

By JOHN ROMANO
Published September 25, 2006

TALK OF THE TOWN

Five topics suitable for inane debate on talk radio.

1. THREE AND OUT: Tried telling you last week that the season was kaput. Maybe it's still not official, but there are flies buzzing nearby. Not since 1998 has a team started 0-3 and made the playoffs. That means 37 of the past 37 have fallen short. And only two of the 37 have even rallied to finish above .500.

2. IT WAS EITHER PYTHAGORAS OR BECHT: I struggled in Algebra II in 10th grade, but I seem to remember this formula: Less tight ends = more offense. For the most part, the Bucs ditched the two-tight end formation that so severely limited their options the first two weeks. The offense wasn't exactly Colt-like, but the Bucs have a chance to accomplish more by spreading the field.

3. SIZE 11, PLEASE: After three games last season, Cadillac Williams had 434 yards and his shoes were being shipped to the Pro Football Hall of Fame. This season, he has 107 yards and can't get noticed at Payless.

4. PLAY OF THE GAME: You would probably pick Jake Delhomme's fourth-down scramble. Or maybe the 41-yard pass to Steve Smith. There are several other worthy choices, but here's one that got lost in the shuffle. On Carolina's final drive, Delhomme threw a pass in the flat that bounced out of Torrie Cox's hands. Forty-two seconds later, John Kasay kicked the game-winner.

5. SIM-SATIONAL: Just when you thought he was mailing it in, Simeon Rice nearly revives a season with a sack and forced fumble. It gives you hope that Anthony McFarland might one day show up, too.

A LIST OF FIVE

Five ways the Bucs can improve.

5. Forbid the fondling of biceps by visiting heads of state.

4. Liquor in the visiting locker room.

3. Watch inspirational video of Joe Paterno's most famous runs.

2. Introduce new running play: The 5-yard gain.

1. Trade for Keyshawn.

FIVE WAYS TO LOSE A THIRD STRAIGHT GAME

1. PLAY THE FOOL: The official was quick with the flag, but you've got no complaint when you do something this stupid. Will Allen was called for unsportsmanlike conduct for getting in Steve Smith's face after an incompletion on third down. Had Allen knocked the ball away? No. Had he jarred it loose with a hit? No. It was simply an overthrown pass, but that didn't stop Allen from acting as if he just manhandled Jerry Rice. The penalty prolonged a Carolina drive, forced the Bucs into bad field position and eventually led to a Panthers field goal.

2. RUN IN PLACE: The tailback is an offensive rookie of the year, and the fullback is a Pro Bowl pick. And, still, the Bucs averaged 2.6 yards on the ground.

3. UNNECESSARY RISK: Needing 5 yards to ice the game, Gruden called a deep route on third down. The pass was overthrown, and Carolina's comeback was set in motion.

4. $&*! TURNOVERS: His only interception was turned into a TD nine seconds later. Chris Simms has now been picked off seven times, and those passes have been converted into four TDs and a field goal.

5. SLOW STARTS: In the Gruden era, the Bucs are 9-28 when the opponent scores first.

FIVE SUPER PICKS

Checking out the best bets for Super Bowl XLI in Miami.

1. Colts: Had the ball for only 5:29 in the first half against Jacksonville. I blame Martin Gramatica.

2. Falcons: Finally more interesting than the Braves.

3. Bears: Now that Rex Grossman is a stud, can we have Brian Griese back?

4. Seahawks: Rich McKay is in Atlanta, Jerry Angelo is in Chicago, Tim Ruskell is in Seattle and the Bucs are in the dumps.

20. Bucs: We now know they have heart. So does anyone have a defibrillator?

FINAL FIVE WORDS

Best wishes to Chris Simms.

[Last modified September 26, 2006, 11:46:19]