Add catch-up to tonight's family meal
By BRIDGET HALL GRUMET
Published September 25, 2006
Growing up I knew only the first definition of dinner, with a family ritual straight out of Leave It To Beaver. My parents and sisters and I said grace, passed around the serving bowls (often in opposite directions - a wonderful bit of table chaos that comes from the Swiss side of the family) and took turns talking about our day. In between prompts to sit up straight and keep our elbows off the table, we had time to let the rest of the family know what was important to us. Chances are it involved a brilliant performance on a spelling quiz or a stunning athletic feat in P.E.
When my husband and I got our first apartment, I insisted on getting a dining room table. Like the stereotypical ketchup-and-pickles-in-the-empty-fridge bachelor, Wayne was accustomed to wolfing down dinner from the coffee table in front of the TV. (See dinner, second definition.)
In no time we were eating like a family, minus the passing of bowls in conflicting directions (there's only one way to hand the mashed potatoes and green beans to the lone person sitting across from you). We swapped stories about work, friends and current events.
But nothing gets in the way of family time like, well, having a family.
Now that we have a baby and opposite work schedules, dinner is prepared in advance, cooked separately and often eaten alone. I thaw or marinate the meats overnight. I chop veggies in the morning. I put ingredients in bags and post instructions on the fridge. My husband feeds 11-month-old Toby about 6 p.m., then makes his own dinner. I prepare my portion a few hours later, once I get home from work.
Sometimes Wayne waits up to chat with me while I eat. But some nights there's no one to ask about my day, no one to pester me about my elbows and posture.
Forgoing dinner - not the food, but the social aspects of the meal - has been the hardest part of our new lives.
I miss the company. I also miss the good eating. It's hard to justify an elaborate recipe - all those ingredients, all that time over the stove - for just me.
Studies have found all kinds of benefits for families that eat together. Children ages 9 to 14 who dine with the folks eat more fruits and vegetables, consume fewer fatty or fried foods and develop better dietary habits overall, according to a study in the Archives of Family Medicine.
Teens who rarely eat with their parents are twice as likely to smoke daily and get drunk monthly, compared with teens who dine with the folks at least five times a week, according to a 2006 study by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University.
Not surprisingly, the parents who rarely break bread with their kids were less likely to know their kids' friends or the names of their kids' teachers. They were five times more likely to describe their relationship with their kids as "fair" or "poor."
And then there's my favorite finding from this 1999 study by the University of Michigan, published in the Journal of Marriage and the Family. Among 3- to 12-year-olds, eating together as a family was a more powerful predictor of the children's well-being than any other activity - including the time spent attending school or church, studying, playing sports or creating art.
All the care that goes into planning a balanced meal and sharing bits of the day over morsels of food really pays off.
Still, like us, many working families struggle to find the time. Once Toby is old enough to start school, I hope to move to more of a daytime work schedule so we can all enjoy evenings together. As he grows older, however, I expect evenings to become crowded with other things: soccer practice and PTA meetings, homework and housework.
But more and more folks are making it work. Back in 1998, only 47 percent of the 12- to 17-year-olds surveyed ate as a family five times a week, according to the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse. By this year, that number rose to 58 percent.
The national group has partnered with Nick at Nite and TV Land, the network that still beams Leave It To Beaver into living rooms, to sponsor Family Day on the fourth Monday of each September. It's a day when people are encouraged to sit down and share a meal with their families, and this year, it's today.
I'll be working tonight, as I do all weeknights, but I still try to make dinner special in my own way. I'm feeling like fajitas tonight, a recipe that's a cinch (and easily divided and cooked separately) on my George Foreman grill. I can also whip up calzones, grilled chicken sandwiches, burgers, quesadillas, pork chops and all kinds of wraps on the grill in a few minutes. And every week or so I try out a new recipe.
We try to make up for the lost time with lunches and dinners together on the weekend and good discussions whenever we have the chance.
For now we'll have to settle for the right ingredients - quality time and food prepared with care - even if we can't always get them to mix.
Bridget Hall Grumet can be reached in west Pasco at 869-6258 or toll-free at 1-800-333-7505, ext. 6258. Her e-mail address is bgrumet@sptimes.com.
Share a meal
Today is Family Day, an annual event in which people are encouraged to sit down and share a meal with their families. Some ideas to get started:
- Don't worry about making something elaborate. Pick an easy recipe that's more realistic, and remind yourself it's about the family time.
- Enlist the kids' help in planning meals, preparing food and setting the table. It makes them feel involved and it makes things easier for you.
- Aim for a family breakfast or lunch on the weekends if evenings are too chaotic for family dinner.
- Don't throw in the towel just because you got take-out. You can still eat together at the table.
- Challenge everyone to come up with a better conversation starter than, "How was your day?" Check out www.familytable.info for ideas.
Dinner din-er, noun. 1. An evening meal in which family members gather to share food and conversation. 2. The last portion of food for the day, often prepared individually and eaten alone.